Follow
Share

My sister and myself have helped our parents over the past 10 years so they were able to live at home for as long as possible. Earlier this year dad has went into care with mum who has dementia. Our estranged sister came back into the picture then and had him change Enduring Power of Attorney and health guardianship from us over to her as she lives closer. My sister and I have an 8 hour round trip to visit our parents, we visit monthly now that they are in care. However, our sister isn't keeping us informed of their health, even though we always emailed and let her know before. Mum is palliative now and my sister and I talked to dad that we would like to sit overnight with mum. When I asked a staff member if we could be rung also and kept informed she said only the person who is listed as "next of kin" I explained we don't think we will be notified by our sister in the case of our parent's health or end of life. Isn't it ok to have more than one family member to be notified in cases like this? Have others had this experience?

Find Care & Housing
Bindie, I agree is Barb's post, most elder care facility prefer to have just one name on their list to call, otherwise the facility would be on the telephone most of the day calling a whole list of relatives for each person they are caring. Facilities just don't have the man power, and many relatives would get messages that are many hours old.

Since your Dad is in the same facility, would it be possible to talk to him to see how your Mom is doing?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to freqflyer
Report
Bindie Dec 22, 2018
Thanks freqflyer, I talk with dad on phone, he is also in early stages of dementia and tends to get info. wrong, he also says he doesn't think mum will make it through the night. I am also worried I would not hear if something happened to dad. I guess it is a fear of mine from when I worked in aged care and a resident was transferred to hospital and we notified one son, the lady passed away and week later the other son came into visit mother without any idea she had died and funeral was over. A very sad case. I appreciate how understaffed and busy the facilities are and don't want to make any extra demands but I am hoping just that extra phone call from them in an emergency would be very reassuring for my other sister and myself. Thanks for taking the time to answer.
(0)
Report
Yes dad would be next of kin, but it is also about if something happens to dad and our youngest sister had it changed from me to her to be notified. I wouldn't like to ask dad to change POA back to us as it would cause too much trouble with the "controlling sister". I am thinking I may need to contact management and just ask that in this case because of the doubt about being told myself or other sister be notified also. Thank you for your reply and help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Bindie
Report

Isn't your dad the "next of kin"?

In general, facilities can only manage notifications to one person, and that is the one who holds POA, or is the person designated to receive news on behalf of the family.

Would dad change POA back to one of you?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter