Could I call adult protective service on my step-grandfather if he is having an affair with my grandmother's caregiver?

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My grandmother has Alzheimer and we recently found out that my step-grandfather who is married to my grandmother is having an affair with the caregiver that is taking care of my grandmother. The caregiver isn't contracted by any company. I have screenshots of my step-grandfather posting pictures on his facebook of my grandmother nurse calling her "his love" and calling her family his inlaws and stating he's found his better half, while currently my grandmother is still living and they are still married living in the same house. My grandmother has completely stopped eating and is pretty much skin and bones! We believe the caregiver is now living in my grandmother house and also brought in her little son too. My step-grandfather is keeping us away from seeing my grandmother also, and has also taken us off of every assets my grandmother has promised us when she was in the right state of mind. what can we do If he is having adultery and infidelity and is just waiting for my grandmother to die to take all her assets? We are in Texas. My grandmother stays in a room all day, we're not even sure if she showers. My father tried to speak to my grandmother on the phone today and she didn't want to speak because she said my father hits her. My father than ask my grandmother if someone is hitting her over there and she didn't respond.

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If you truly expect such things, you should get on a plane, and go visit! Only tbem, will you know the real truth! Then call for an APS assessment of a Vulnerable Senior! Your Grandfather is old, he may be making up stories, as if he too has the beginnings of Dementia, sometimes just the little things like, "your looking healthy today", might be misconstrued, and he may be suffering from idea's of grandure, that a younger lady is paying him some attention. Her bringing her child to work, may well be a cover for her against unwanted attention from him.

But if you are correct, and something untoward is happening to Granny, then do something about it!

He shouldn't be holding her hostage, from seeing her family!
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Relax, grandma has Alzheimer's she does not u understand what is going on, asking her if she is being hit will not provide reliable information.. If you suspect step grandpa is setting himself up to take grandma's assets or already has, then call APS. BUT leave out the part about your belief that he is having an affair. APS is required by law to investigate complaints, they will not give you details of their investigtion, but it is a place to start.
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As gladimhere says, APS can investigate a suspicion that grandma isn't being taken care of, evidenced by her obvious weight loss. Weight loss does occur in dementia, but they can investigate if it is from lack of being given food. You can say that you are worried about bruises and that she told you she is being hit.

It won't matter to APS that step-GP is in love with the caregiver UNLESS that leaves your vulnerable GM at risk.
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chrissy89, I don't know if you know this but a person who has Alzheimer's/ Dementia are very prone to telling stories that have zero merit.

When my parents lived at home alone, they both had a fair share of black/blue and red marks on their arms and face.   As one ages their skin becomes thin and the slightest bump can cause such a bruise.   One day my Mom had a blue/blue/red bruise on the side of her face, very typical of falling into a piece of furniture.

Once my Mom went into long-term-care, she was telling the wildest stories, saying this person or that person was hitting her.   And she was still getting bruises from falling out of her wheelchair, or trying to stand up to walk and bumping into her hospital bed.   And as people age, they do start to lose weight, unless they were very heavy to begin with, then we don't notice the weight loss as quickly.

When my Mom passed, all the assets went to my Dad, which is usually the norm.   Same with both sets of my grandparents.   Now material things were saved to hand out to the grandchildren.

Now, the caregiver could be 100% innocent.   Could be that Grandfather might have a touch of dementia, thus he is imagining that the caregiver and him are an item, and is bragging on FaceBook.   Who knows, the caregiver might be appalled if she knew he was saying such things.
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FF, I hadn't considered that the affair might be a figment of stepG's imagination. Stranger things have happened. Caregiver may have moved in with her child so that she could be there 24/7 and take care of them both!
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This type of behavior is unprofessional and makes me very suspicious given the age disparity between all three individuals.
As always  say follow the money!
Did stopgap marry gma for her money?
Does he have access to and is he spending lavishly on the caregiver?
Does the caregiver expect to marry stepgpa once gma is dead and hopes this is as soon as possible.
Do everything you can to protect gma and ensure proper care. Starting with APS is a good place and hopefully they would involve police if they felt something illegal is happening
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Chris, black eyes just happen sometimes. My stepdad took Coumadin which makes them very bruise susceptible as does any blood thinner. He got a black eye just from rubbing his eye either bit too hard or in just the wrong way. He had bruises everywhere. Do you ever ask stepgp what you can do to help? Are you accusatory or confrontational with him? Try compassion it works very well.

Weight loss with dementia is quite common, they forget how to eat and sometimes just will not. Force feeding her would be abuse and could cause aspiration pneumonia.
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geevee, your message about elder abuse is well taken. Suspicions need to be investigated.

But it simply is true that elders bruise easily and often do things that cause bruises (fall, bump into furniture). This isn't intended to discredit anything. It is just true. Does this apply to Gma? We certainly don't know! But it is a possibility that Chrissy should be aware of as she investigates.

The same is true about complaints of abuse. Many, many of us have personally been blamed by a person with dementia for something we didn't do or that never happened.

Caring for someone with dementia is VERY different than caring for an elder whose brain isn't damaged. Chrissy suspects abuse and she is going to investigate. That is appropriate and good. She also needs to know some basic truths about dementia behavior as she moves forward.

Your point about taking elders seriously is well-taken. Dementia makes things more complicated. 
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If you have good reason to believe that your grandmother's care needs are being neglected, you can - you ought to - call APS. Apart from anything else, if the caregiver is not experienced in dementia care specifically she may not understand that she needs to supervise eating and ensure that your grandmother is getting enough to eat *even if she doesn't request or seem to want food.* The caregiver may not realise that she's getting anything wrong.

But what your step grandfather and the caregiver get up to in their own time and space is none of your business.

Gosh. In fact, if you don't mind, I'd really rather not think about it.
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chrissy89, you seem to have accurately called out a very abusive and exploitive situation, and I am both disappointed and alarmed at those who've advised you to discount your grandmother's bruises and her complaints of abuse. This is how elder abuse begins and continues - by discrediting and even blaming the victim of the abuse. ADP isn't perfect but it is a resource. But your first step should be to spell everything out to your lawyer, which it seems you already have. Good luck with this. I know you will prevail.
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