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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Who is the person that needs convincing ? The aging elderly, or a younger more vibrant person?
If its the younger person, I would try to remind them that, whatever it is the aging elderly had done wrong in the past...they can't hurt you now. I would try to remind them, that all of us have a finite time here, and that if there is even the slightest desire for reconciliation in their heart, then they should deal with it and reconcile before its too late - because once that elderly person is gone- they are gone.
Over the years, I have developed the perspective that; personal grudges aren't worth holding. It doesn't bring you revenge. It doesn't bring you satisfaction. It's just an unnecessary weight to carry on your mind. A weight that you will carry to your grave. Why carry a weight to your grave? It will just make you fall faster.
My father is still living but with lots of medical conditions and dementia and mobility issues. My siblings were visiting him and calling him until each one by one were verbally abusing him and undue influence. Our father was not very present in our lives after he divorced our Mother so they blamed him for all their faults and it works like a charm on him. So one by one I set up a monitoring service with a qualified nurse to be present when any of them wanted a visit or a phone conversation at the facility. Once that was set up and they could no longer intimidate him the calls and visits stopped. So I as well have decided that when the time comes if we hear from them again I will do the same thing a visit with a monitor. Unfortunately I learned from experience with our Mother while she was on her last days in semi colma in and out of consciousness very weak. My brother came in for a visit she of course was in my home in hospital bed and I stepped out to get a glass of water no sooner did I step out I heard our Mother yelling GET OUT GET OUT I ran back into room and she was sitting up crazily. I kicked him out and held and rocked her to calm her for hours laying her back her eyes still crazy she hadn’t spoken in days before this. My mother passed early that morning and it was not the peaceful passing I had hoped to give to her for her love and guidance she gave me. I will not allow a repeat of that awful situation.
If grandpa is on Hospice it might be possible to ask the Hospice Social Worker to help out. But the person with all the "power" in this is the POA or Guardian. Maybe you can ask for a monitored or supervised visit.
Have hospice ask the elderly person if they want to see you. My siblings was blocking me for spiteful reasons and when the nurse asked my mom if she wanted to see me she said yes. I got to visit a few times before she passed.
The daughter might be petty and spiteful, or she might have genuine concerns that a relative appearing after eight years with no communication would be upsetting to the dying man. I'm sorry about the estrangement but if it hasn't been resolved for the past eight years, the step-grandson would be best to just accept it as a regrettable thing in life and move on.
I think that the best and easiest way to reassure the person who wants to block you from visiting is to offer to see the loved one accompanied by the "objecting relative" and reassure that you will not be bringing up uncomfortable or disagreeable subjects.
I had issues with my Aunt, but I told her to go see my mom because she is not going to last much longer. My Aunt didn't visit her sister/my mom often. It infuriated me so much. I was actually contemplating not telling her at all. I have a heart. My mom was very important to me and so I told the world to go see my mom one more time. Not sure how anyone could deprive their loved one over a visit.
I had a situation with my sister and her family at my mom's end and afforded her the option to come and see mom before she passed with the hospice nurse having the option to control the situation. And instead of her coming to see mom she and her kids decided to get on social media and get ugly about me and then call me to act like nothing was going on. Mom passed the next morning. They only came to visit mom when it was on their terms most of the time, I let them visit even though it was a difficult visit. My mom was in my home and I took care of her without their help. I have since reached out to her and told her that I forgive her of the ugliness it's been almost 3 years' now with no response. I have no regrets of taking care of my Mom I have great memories and some bad ones would do it again if I had to,
You're making hard decisions—but they’re right for your dad and right for you. You’re protecting his dignity now in a way that was taken from your mother. That’s a powerful act of love. And I hope you give yourself credit for that, even if others don’t.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If its the younger person, I would try to remind them that, whatever it is the aging elderly had done wrong in the past...they can't hurt you now. I would try to remind them, that all of us have a finite time here, and that if there is even the slightest desire for reconciliation in their heart, then they should deal with it and reconcile before its too late - because once that elderly person is gone- they are gone.
Over the years, I have developed the perspective that; personal grudges aren't worth holding. It doesn't bring you revenge. It doesn't bring you satisfaction. It's just an unnecessary weight to carry on your mind. A weight that you will carry to your grave. Why carry a weight to your grave? It will just make you fall faster.
So one by one I set up a monitoring service with a qualified nurse to be present when any of them wanted a visit or a phone conversation at the facility. Once that was set up and they could no longer intimidate him the calls and visits stopped.
So I as well have decided that when the time comes if we hear from them again I will do the same thing a visit with a monitor. Unfortunately I learned from experience with our Mother while she was on her last days in semi colma in and out of consciousness very weak. My brother came in for a visit she of course was in my home in hospital bed and I stepped out to get a glass of water no sooner did I step out I heard our Mother yelling GET OUT GET OUT I ran back into room and she was sitting up crazily. I kicked him out and held and rocked her to calm her for hours laying her back her eyes still crazy she hadn’t spoken in days before this. My mother passed early that morning and it was not the peaceful passing I had hoped to give to her for her love and guidance she gave me.
I will not allow a repeat of that awful situation.
But the person with all the "power" in this is the POA or Guardian.
Maybe you can ask for a monitored or supervised visit.
My sister wouldn't let people come visit her and it made my heart ache that she chose to not let someone say "I'm sorry, I love you."
Life happens and chit happens, sometimes we have to let go but keep our boundaries, maybe those two could let it go for a short time.
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