My mil (86) is in nursing care since April and not doing well. She went from independent living in Nov of last year to two hospital stays and a rapid decline. Her last hospitalization in Feb she was rushed to ER as they thought she was having a stroke. We were with her and fully expected her to pass that night she was in such bad shape. She didn't and they discovered the next day she was actually having multiple seizures. We suspect she'd been having them frequently.
She is now bed bound, fully incontinent (has been since December). She is on about 8 medications, including three to prevent the seizures (others are for high blood pressure and other issues). She was recently evaluated for dementia as she has many signs including hallucinations and they suspect several forms. She is losing the ability to speak.
Today my husband went to visit her and said she said hello to him, but she was doing very poorly. They are now assessing her for a UTI and will treat with antibiotics. This is the 4th UTI she has had in as many months. In fact, she's had several infections.
My MIL is in a very good facility and self paying. One of the staff called my husband after the psych eval and he told her that he knew his mom would not improve and he did not want to try to fix anything else with more meds, but now he seems to think they'll treat the UTI and she will improve. Perhaps she will, but for what? To lie in a bed? The only thing keeping her alive is all of the medications.
At what point should hospice be considered? We have been through 10 years of watching slow declines in parents. My mother ended up on hospice with lewy-body and lasted 7 months in nursing, but she had no other problems and no medications - she also never wanted to end up in nursing (my grandmother lasted 7 years in nursing with dementia) - she wanted an assisted death - so I had some peace when she did go. My fil was sick for years on numerous medications and lingered in the hospital for five months. My husband was diagnosed a year ago at 59 with a rare illness for which he is getting treatment and this is taking a toll.
If it were my mom I would switch her to hospice now. I'm a bit surprised my husband wants to give his mother more medication given her state. I feel he is now in denial about next steps. To say I am weary that this has taken over our lives so fully is an understatement. The moving and care of my mil (she neglected many, many things business-wise we have also had to deal with) has been three very long years, following the seven with my mother and fil.
It is my husband's decision what happens next, but I find myself very angry that this is continuing. I know it is out of my hands on a spiritual level, but how can someone so ill keep holding on?