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I’m not in the worst situation : mom doesn’t live with us. But for the 3 years she’s in her memory care facilities, shower time once a week is a source of fighting. At the beginning I was there once a week, on Wednesday (since last summer I add one or 2 other visit), so the staff began to wait for my presence to help convince mom to accept the shower. I’ve tried over those last 3 years all the tricks and advices with no avail and much fighting. Mom even accuses me of taking sides with the the staff and not her ( that is the least wounding, she says much worse things). Now I must phone the staff if I can’t be there the Wednesday as usual (like today)!


Mom is on an antipsychotic since Marsh this year and I’m suffering from Sjogrën since my 40s, the anastrozole against recidive of breast cancer not one year ago augments the tiredness in a big way. Today I’ve just taken one hour and a half convincing mom, but the staff were too late (she was on their schedule yesterday, so today they tried to place her somewhere when I was there), so mom said no again. They will come 2 of them to shower her manu militari. It is frightening. I’m sad, tired, at my wit’s end, don’t know anymore what I could do, nor what would happen. I’m fearful and weepy.

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Michou - you matter too!!! I agree - let the staff figure it out. If you are on the verge of burn out, and I do understand as I am there much too often too, then you need to let go of some things and look after yourself. It isn't easy - this continual burden of being responsible for another fairly helpless human being. She and they will have to manage the best they can, You can't afford to be drained any more. I am glad you have the friend that texted you..

And don't worry abut being helpful on the forum. Even sharing your experiences is helpful to others. (((((hugs))))))
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Reply to golden23
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My mom has never been a shower person. She always took baths. When nursing home staff tried to give her showers, it never went well, and caused trauma to her and the staff. I went to the nursing supervisor, and requested no more showers, told her my mother hates showers and has always taken baths. She was very receptive. Now my mom gets bed baths instead. She goes to the beauty shop at the nursing home to have her hair washed once a week. Mom pays the beauty shop. I have to say that I didn't come up with this idea on my own, someone more knowledgeable suggested it to me, and it is working well.
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Reply to m1kew00
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I agree with Daughterof1930's posting, that it is up to the Staff to figure out this problem. Just surprised that the Staff hadn't already.

Curious at the size of the shower? I remember my Dad's shower at his Assisted Living, it was the size of telephone booth. My gosh, as some elders age, they do get claustrophobic.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Sounds like time to tell the staff that you can’t be of help with the shower situation. Doesn’t sound like it’s working anyway. It’s going to be on them to figure out a plan, they’re the professionals and should have more ideas to make something work, even if it’s not the full shower. Blessings to you as you have enough going on without this!
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Please, don’t worry about me. A friend texts me and made me realised that what happen to mom is just the tip of my iceberg, a painful one, but not the main one. After all my relationship to her -except concerning shower and moments of paranoia - is mostly good. The staff is a bit demanding but with good intentions!
I’m simply on the verge of burn out, so everything is too big. Also I’m not as helpful on this forum as I could be. So sorry!
Wish you the best, don’t answer, I won’t check. Thanks anyway.
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Reply to Michou
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