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My mother passed away 11 years ago. Over the years my dad has never really brought up my mother. I would ask him over time every now and then if he ever dreams of her and he always says no. He has had several Heart Attacks, he is diabetic, has Glaucoma, stage 3 kidney disease, and conjusted heart failure. To name a few. His last mini heart attack about a month ago. But now all the thinks about is my Mother, he does not remember she passed. I have sat with him looking at old pictures of them together but he does not recognize her pictures or even himself. From what I have read on line you are not supposed to tell the loved one that a person has passed because they may start to grieve all over again.


My problem is he is being relentless on asking to go home to see the wife and wants me to take him to the train station so he can go see her, along with he needs to mow the yard. I try to change the subject, have another sister call and say mom is with her, he forgets the conversation and the next day wants me to take him to the train station. I try to talk calm to him,hold his had, assure him he is safe and he is where he needs to be.(He lives with me, I’m retired so I’m home.) I tell him I love him and I need him here with me. But nothing seems to work, after awhile he starts to get upset and sometimes starts cussing. (The first time this happened when he started yelling. I was shocked and in an instant I became a child and had to leave the room) I know its not him it is the disease, but it is so very taxing. Sometimes he does not want to go to sleep because he wants me to take him to the train station to go home. I try to have projects for him to do, depending on his mood he does not want to do anything and just sits and looks at me and gives me the evil eye. Or he sits and pouts. I never really know when he has a moment of clarity, when I think I might be able to have a heart to heart talk to him.. if this is even an option... anyone have any ideas?

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Chole18: as suggested by previous posters here, there are medications that may help calm him. Advise his doctor of what's happening and perhaps he or she will recommend a med to try. Also, look into senior daycare for him which would keep him busy with activities and people his age - at least for a few hours.
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Have you tried telling him he is home? Maybe he can start learning he is home.

I am so sorry, I know how heart breaking it is for you.

Maybe some medications to calm him down so he is not so aggressive with you. Please be careful, they can get physically aggressive as part of the disease.

Take care of you. Hugs!
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If you can't cope with this and it is dominating your life, it might be time to think about whether it would be better for both of you if he went to a facility. Perhaps consider a respite stay for him (and for you) and see how he goes. Some time out might help you cope better - this isn't going to go away.
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Seems like a very common problem. I wonder if some kind of med would calm him down a bit so he's not so agitated?
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Chole18, it is quite normal for someone who has dementia to say that they want to go home. Usually the "home" is their childhood home back when life was easy and fun being a child.

It was my Mom who wanted to go "home" which at first I thought was the house that she and Dad had shared. Then one day she asked if the cattle were out. It was then that I realized Mom was talking about her childhood home.

My Dad was developing "sundowners" where he would get into his time machine and go back to the 1940's. He would call me saying the meeting ran late which caused him to miss his bus, so he will be staying at the hotel tonight. I believe he thought he was talking to my Mom. The hotel was his room at Assisted Living/Memory Care. Dad was real happy living there, living around people from his own generation, and having his meals with the same 3 fellows daily.

My Dad's projects were reading the local newspaper which was quite thick, and the weekly newspaper from his boyhood home town. Dad didn't socialize much, but kept his apartment door opened so other could say "hi" as they passed by.
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Chole18 Mar 23, 2019
He is still talking about going home to see my mom,his wife. No matter how many times I tell him she is not coming back this way for at least 2 weeks, this is ignored,and wants her to pick him up tomorrow to take him home to my home town. Not taking a nap because he is obsessed. I don’t know if anyone has had to explan to a loved one that they passed.. it is just so hard, it hurts my heart.
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