My mother just suffered a massive heart attack and her heart is only working 15%. She came home early from the hospital upon her own wishes.

My father is 75 and was just mentally evaluated to get a referral to see a neurologist next week. It’s clear to me that he has some sort of dementia and needs some help.

I took off work for a week and my sisters and brother in law are trying to figure out what’s best for them.

My parents live in a run down house with my sister. They want to get out of the house too. I’m afraid mom cannot take care of dad and my sister won’t always be there and will need down time away too.

So far we have spoken to the aging center in their area and have a social worker coming out in a few days. I also contacted the V.A. about different possibilities there.

Mom and Dad have no POA and no living wills.

I’ve asked my mom what she would like to see, and she said to live in a place where she could help my dad and the building and grounds were someone else’s responsibility.

My sister that lives with them is not good on her own financially, and I don’t know how her living there plays into the factor.

My mom is way too weak and Dad is getting worse. I know they are scared, but we are too. It truly is exhausting physically and emotionally.

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Did you impress on the aging center how urgent this is all becoming? And did you mention your sister's possibly needing support, too? A social worker in a few days is an excellent idea, but a social worker tomorrow would be even better. I don't mean to frighten you but I'm sure it will already have been explained that the immediate risk is of your mother's having a further heart attack.

Is it completely impossible to get her to reconsider that early discharge? If so, aim to get the burden off her completely even if you have to lie through your teeth.

You deserve nothing but praise and support for stepping in. It's a complex situation but there will be answers and you will get there. Do you have any help of any sort with managing in the household meanwhile?
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Wow in the mist of a crisis your family is working together & looking towards the future, including mom in decisions, and she has a realistic vision. Congratulations! You are doing it right. Hang out in the forums a bit & you'll see a lot of us aren't so lucky. I wish your parents had POA's, both financial & medical in place & I would think since dad hasn't been diagnosed with mental decline & you are all on same page, that you have a window to get that done. Other than that, hope moms health improves.
Helpful Answer (1)

Yes, you are doing the right thing in recognizing that your parents need assistance and ensuring that you are getting it for them.

Your mom is describing assisted living, "live in a place where she could help my dad and the building and grounds were someone else's responsibility." However, your dad may require more care than your mom can provide.

It sounds like you're getting some resources lined up and making early plans. Beware of the fly in the ointment. There will always be a fly in the ointment. For example, one of your parent's could fall and need hospitalization. Since they're frail already this would be a setback. Or assisted living won't take your dad but your mom is welcome. There's always something, some hurdle. But that's where the social worker comes in. Social workers work magic. Always maintain contact with a social worker.
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Do you mean that mom discharged herself early from the hospital? Was that done against medical advice?

It sounds like caregiving for dad has become too much for mom. It would have been better if mom stayed in the hospital and perhaps been able to go to rehab. Remember that next time she is admitted to the hospital.

I hope the social worker will have some answers on how to get them to Assisted Living and what financial support they are eligible for.
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