My father's very upset because we took all of his guns out of the house and he still lives at home by his self how can I convince him it's just not safe for him to have a gum but I do understand that he feels like he needs protection in case somebody breaks in this is as bad or worse when we were trying to take his driving privileges away just looking for any help of something different than what I've been talking to him about

-You cannot take care of an elder w dementia from "out of state"
-Dad should not be living alone with dementia at play
-You don't use reason or logic with an Elder suffering from dementia. That ship has sailed. Tell him it's DOCTORS ORDERS he have no guns, period. Then change the subject.
-You disable a car and lose the keys as often as necessary to prevent the man from killing innocent people on the road by operating a motor vehicle w dementia
-Whoever has POA sells his house to fund his 24/7 care and SAFETY in Memory Care Assisted Living

Dad should no longer calling the shots here but you're allowing him to which is very dangerous!

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:

Best of luck getting dad out of danger and posing danger to others.
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Reply to lealonnie1

This is very difficult because I know of several people in their 90's who are still on the ball, although, if there is a break-in at 3 AM I wouldn't count on their reaction time.

You and your family must've seen signs that indicate that your dad is a little shakey regarding his judgement, mental capacity, perhaps tremors, difficulty with judgement to warrant taking away his guns and car so of course you did right.

Imagine someone you most love being plowed into by your dad or hurt with his gun. That's how the family he could destroy would feel.

Do you have guns? Are you a male? If not, maybe you can have gun owning male relatives that are grown men but younger speak to him and say that they have put into place instructions or an agreement with other younger relatives to take their arms away by a certain age.

If you all have taken away his self defense what have you given back to give him a sense of security. I hope it was a block busting ear ripping billion lumen flashing light alarm system. And maybe a dog.

An alarm system could work faster than a senior with a gun.
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Reply to MicheleDL

Can Dad cook, clean, wash, dress, shop himself?

If not, who comes to help with his daily life?

Has he ever attacked family or other caregivers arriving to help him? Does he always recognise them?

Do you (or family that see him more frequently) feel he has a normal range of feeling to protect his home & self? Or is he displaying fear of people, fear that people are stealing his things, more paranoid type thinking?
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Reply to Beatty

Might be time to move him into MC, there will be many people there to protect him.

He should not live alone, he is displaying a sign of dementia, abstract fear.
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Reply to MeDolly

You might leave the gun with him only lock it in a gun safe and "lose" the key or give him a key that doesn't work. My husband has a collection of guns, hunting rifles, antique guns, pistols, etc. in a gun safe. He doesn't remember the combination to open the safe. Our son does have it tho.
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Reply to LucilleJ

If he'd pay attention to what the doctor said, tell him that the doctor ordered all firearms out of the house. A doctor will do that if you indicate there's a danger. However, since he has dementia, your dad probably won't understand the reasoning. He can't reason anymore.

After you get the guns out, make sure he goes into a memory care facility. His dementia will only get worse, and you might as well get on with it.

So sorry that this has happened.
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Reply to Fawnby

Time for some common sense to be put into play. The issue is not convincing him of anything, because he has dementia. His ability to reason is gone.

The issue is that he shouldn't be living alone, as others here have made plain. It's time to stop trying to put fingers in the dyke to stop the leaks and move out of the neighborhood where floods are an issue.
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Reply to MJ1929

Can you take the guns to a firing range and have them remove the firing pin to make them unusable?
I can totally see this happening with my ex.
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Reply to Firstof5

It definitely sounds like your father should not be living by himself any more, nor should he be driving. Time to start looking at assisted living facilities, with memory care units for when the time comes(as it will).
And as far as his guns go, can you leave him just one, but remove all of the ammunition? That's what one of the ladies in my caregivers support group had to do with her husband who has dementia.
Now of course if your father continues to drive, and if he realizes he has no ammunition, he may just drive to get some more, but hopefully by then his license will have been revoked.
It's hard, but you MUST now do what is best for your father and his safety. And living alone and still driving is NOT what is best for him and his safety.
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Reply to funkygrandma59

You can't convince him if he has dementia. Is his doctor aware he is driving and wants his guns back for his own protection? Meds may help.

Contact the police re the guns and the DMV re his car and driving. Sounds like he should not be living alone any more. I know this is very difficult for you.
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Reply to golden23

Welcome to the Forum.

You tell us in your profile that you're attempting to take care of a father from out of state, along with several other family members who live near to him . You say he is unsafe to drive but continues to, and that you have removed guns from his home.

I am curious as to your Father's diagnosis, and as to who the POA is for him, if there is one. In order to report Father for being unsafe to drive it would take a visit to the DMV to report him with physicians letters that he is unsafe, the a removal of license and then a removal of car. To remove anything from his home without POA and his incompetency is basically theft. And if there is incompetency and diagnosis I am curious as to whom lives with father for his safety?

So sorry that you, your family and your dad are dealing with this. It is painful; you're not alone. Hope you will fill us in a bit more about your Dad's condition.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

I agree, someone suffering from Dementia should not be alone. You also can't reason with someone with Dementia. Tell a Fib, we turned them into the police.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Does your father live alone?

Past the very early stages of dementia, a person should NOT be living alone.

Being afraid and anxious about EVERYTHING was the earliest symptom of my mom's dementia. Once we got her into a congregate living situation with other people around and "in charge", she was much less fearful of the "what ifs".

Mild anti anxiety meds helped also, but they were better taken on a scheduled basis and not simply when she felt anxious.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

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