Recently my Mother's dementia has become worse and she lives with my Dad who takes care of her. My alcoholic brother also lives there because my Dad will never ask him to leave even though he contributes nothing. It's kind of like waiting for the other shoe to drop as I feel the time is coming when my father will no longer be able to care for my Mom. My sister and I have talked to my Dad but he just brushes us off . Well , a few days ago, my Mother was taken to the hospital with an infected gallbladder. She no longer recognized me and is very confused more than usual. I'm not sure if it's due to her infection and being in the noisy hospital but I'm afraid for her to just go home with my Dad who seems to think she will be her normal self. He's just not getting it. How do I get him to see that maybe it's for the best if she went to a rehab facility even for a few weeks? Who do I talk to? Is heartbreaking to me but I can't just take her. I am my sole source of income and have to work full time.
Is your mother going to have her gallbladder removed? I note that she is over a decade younger than my mother was. Could your father handle her medical needs if it involves anything more than her returning home exactly as she was before? Could he handle changing the bag for a gallbladder drain? Putting on the special bag for walking? These things may not happen, but just be aware that they might.
The time may rapidly be approaching that neither of your parents should be living without help in their home. And it's not up to YOU to fund the help.
What is their financial situation? Do you have POA/HCPOA?
Your mother’s doctor has to order rehab. My father went to the hospital for heart surgery. He came through the surgery fine but sadly had a stroke while he was still in the hospital recovering from surgery.
There was no way that my mother could care for him at home by herself. We spoke with the hospital social worker and my dad’s doctor. An order was placed for him to go to rehab.
I did the same thing after my father died and mom went to the hospital after a bad fall. The hospital transported my mother to rehab. She did improve in rehab. I would absolutely push for rehab.
Stress to the doctor that your father will not be able to properly care for your mom and that you strongly feel that she needs the additional help of rehab in order to become well enough to go home.
If home health is needed for when she gets home. Your mom’s doctor can order it. I was very satisfied with home health services. Your dad will not have to have as much responsibility if your mom has home health in place.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Also contact the patient advocate office in the hospital; they may be helpful in getting social services involved.
Start with the Social Services. Tell them you have been unable to discuss these issues with Dad. Tell them about the alcoholism in the home. Then let them assess the situation and speak with the doctors.
If the doctor orders the rehab it should be taken as God's word. It is to be DONE. Don't act like it is a choice.
If your father is competent, then he is in charge here, and if you and your sister meet with Discharge Planning together as a united front, and no one will listen to you, then there is honestly no answer here that's a good one.
The good news here is that your Father did get your Mother into the hospital, because in many instances this sort of thing ends in death.
I am so sorry. Not everything can be fixed, for sure. I am glad you are attempting to gently do what you are able.
Tell them that dad is not capable of SAFELY caring for mom at this point. That to discharge her to home would be unsafe.
I would also talk to the hospital social worker about the entire situation. it is not healthy for them to be living with an addict, alcoholism is an addiction.
Wish you the best!