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Mom and sister have just moved into AL together. Hit our first snag—we opted for no landline. Mom was continually mixing numbers as she dialed, but worse, had become prey to the many scam callers. I bought an old-fashioned handset to plug into sister’s cell, and that has worked well for calls.



Well, sister went back to the house for a bit to pick up odds and ends. Mom got worried she was taking too long, and decided to go look for sister. Another resident helped her down the VERY long hallway and then home again.



This is the first instance of anything resembling wandering we have seen. I am trying not to panic. It is just day five of her new home and the stress level is high, so I am hoping as mom acclimates the anxiety will go away.



Has anyone used an Alexa in place of a phone? I am researching, and it looks like mom could simply say, “Alexa, call sister” and the connection is made to the cell. There is also a “drop-in” feature where sister could, I think, listen in on mom, making the connection from her end, kind of like a baby monitor—but she could have a conversation with mom too, like an intercom.



I am NOT tech savvy. This sounds like a potential good solution though. Plan B would be a landline with a phone with speed-dial buttons with family member names. But the predator/scam calls would become a problem again. Scary! Mom is feeling helpless with no way to call sister. Thanks!

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Thank you all for your responses. I think those of you who think the technology would be hard for mom to navigate are right—I have ordered a land line with pictures on speed-dial buttons that is similar to the phone she had at home. And thank you for suggesting we simply disable the ringer! Lol! Of course! A good solution for the scam calls.

Of course my mom can leave the room. No, of course staff cannot and should not be responsible for looking after my mother. We do not expect them to. But they have been clear they can manage “smaller” confusion issues to a degree—it was discussed going in. This AL is a step-up care kind of place, with many mild to moderate residents, and an “in-between” wing for residents not quite ready for MC. We chose it for this reason, but honestly most of the places I toured have a significant percentage of the residents dealing with some degree of dementia, and they were very open about it. It is a growing issue for our seniors.

Mom does have anxiety meds available to take when needed, and we will certainly be using them more now. Moving is a terrible stress in the best situations. She is only five days into the new AL, and there will be stress to be managed for many weeks, I am sure.

The situation with my sister and mother sharing the apartment is one we considered carefully, and we are fully aware it might not work long term—but my sister wanted very much to try. She has deformed feet and cannot walk well, and some other health issues, and is excited about being in this facility for herself. She used to be an aide in nursing homes as her profession, and has been my parents’ caretaker—by her choice—for several years. She is familiar with what will be required of her, and possible issues that will need to be worked through. My sister has very little money, and is in her 60s. She sees this as a wonderful opportunity for community for herself, and is loving the support of meals and housekeeping. All the IADLs are off her plate, with only the ADLs for mom left, which are her strength. After two years my sister can transition to Medicaid pay and stay the rest of her life here, something she is hoping for.

Going forward, Mom will be taken by an aide to participate in meals and activities each day, as well as therapy twice a week. For my mom, this is a very full schedule. My sister is not able to easily go places, and plans to make the AL her “world”. She will be participating in most of the same activities as mom, though likely with different new friends.

There are four or five other mothers and daughters who share an apartment at this facility. It is a solution others are trying as well.
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graygrammie Mar 2023
This sounds like a great set up for both mom and your sister. What a blessing you found a place like this!
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I had a Vivint salesman come in a bill me for the next 7 years for a system that I didn’t ask for. He scammed me and used my signature to outrageous expenses. Be careful have someone like a family member to put you in a system and don’t us companies that prey on you needs for a profit. Alexa is not a good help it’s confusing to the patience they think it’s someone in the house with them because they here voices.
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BlueEyedGirl94 Mar 2023
I will say the "hearing voices" is an excellent point. When I used the announcement feature remotely my youngest DD said at first she was confused because she knew we were gone and was trying to figure out why she was hearing my voice tell her to go get a package off of the front porch.

The even freakier thing is that oldest DD is away at college 2 1/2 hours away. She has an Alexa enabled Fire TV that she got for Christmas. I didn't even think anything of it until she texted me one night and asked me why I told her to take her garbage out. I said "Honey, I didn't tell you to take your garbage out." She said "Mom, yes you did. You said 'don't forget you need to take the garbage out'. I clearly heard your voice." and then I realized - she had her TV tied to our Amazon account, which is tied to our Alexa account - so any announcement I make - she is going to get it at school too. She also knows when someone rings our doorbell LOL. Luckily she doesn't get notifications when someone just walks on the porch, it's only when someone actually rings the bell.

But I agree - if someone is already confused- hearing Alexa talking would probably be confusing and potentially very scary for them.
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Years ago when my grandmother was in a NH, she started calling 911 & 0 for the operator just to talk to someone. Her phone was taken away. I bought her a new push button phone with large buttons & put family members on speed dial. I used a glue gun & glued the 9,1 & 0 in place so they could not be pushed. That solved the problem. There never was an issue of my grandmother dialing random numbers to talk to someone.
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WearyJanie Mar 2023
Lol! I never would have thought of gluing the 911–brilliant! I will give that a try!
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FF and BlueEyedGirl... that SNL skit made me and hubs laugh *so* hard. My son gave us an Alexa dot a few years ago but we've been a Mac house and business for decades. Sometimes when I'm calling it Siri and not getting a response, my husband will come in and start yelling "O-dessa!!!" and wonder why we're so bad at inter-webbing.
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BlueEyedGirl94 Mar 2023
LOL!!! My mom (who continues to crack me up - she is the Tech Goddess for all of her friends, had an iPhone when all of her friends were still using flip phones, was on Facebook and Instagram and friends with my kids lol...you get the picture), decided last year to purchase and install 2 Ring doorbells and a regular Ring camera, plus a couple of Echo Dots and an Echo Show at my grandmother's house. She got everything installed and taught my grandmother how to use everything. The big purpose of it was to be able to see my grandmother if she went outside, have alarms on her phone if she went to the mailbox for example. And the inside tech was the bonus. But my grandmother *thinks* she knows all about it and will explain it all. But continues to call Alexa "Alissa" which apparently Alexa seems to recognize or thinks it sounds close enough! We joke that mom installed the Silver software! When my grandmother gets frustrated she reminds me of my grandfather when he used to go through all of our names when he was talking to me for example (BEG's Grandmother, BEG's mother, BEG, BEG's oldest DD, BEG youngest DD....oh you know what your name is!!) She will just start yelling "A" names until she hits on the right one. She usually gets it pretty quickly, so apparently Alexa is actually in her head. But its so hard not to laugh when she does it.

And good lord...it is terrible when you are trying to TELL someone something about Alexa and you are NOT wanting "her" to do something. You can't just say "so I said 'Alexa do this blah blah' and she this is what she did" because the Dot or Show will start to do it all over again. So we have started with "A.L.E.X.A. blah blah so she doesn't start doing whatever it is."

We also have Battle of the Dots. Youngest DD will start playing music on the Dots from room to room. But I can turn it down or change it from my phone! Drives her crazy!
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We received a "Grandpad" from the Home health agency we contracted with. When they stopped paying for it we decided to keep using it. We paid the yearly price and were told that we would get a refund for any months we did not use. It only allows calls from/to people we set-up and designated family members can send pictures to it. It does not require a phone line. It also has games and very limited websites on it. I am not very tech savvy but I found it easy to use. My Mother-in-law can push the picture of her daughter to call her.
Our local PACE also started using "grandpads" a couple of years ago.
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Blue Eye Girl.... here is the Saturday Night Live skit regarding Alexa.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvT_gqs5ETk
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I installed one for my sister so I could drop in and visit her during lockdowns for Covid. It scared her and she would unplug it . When I would try to talk to her she would not stand where I could see her. You may have better luck but it did not work for us.
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Alexa sounds great! Another option is the Grandpad! especially made for people with ALZ. I used that with my Daddy. He could call anyone but it blocked all scams because only the people that had his number could be set up in his contacts and misdialing he was not able because only the contacts showed up on the screen. It can be set up for the internet but that is an extra step that only the account holder (me in my case) can do. It has games, news, and music.
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WearyJanie, your mother should be in memory care for her dementia and Alzheimer's. Not sure if the Alexa or any type of phone will work for her if she is unable to learn with her broken brain. Her sister will have to call and ask for her and the staff bring the phone to her.
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Hi, I’ve been using Telecalm, it allows you to set up who she receives calls from and who she can make outgoing calls to. Helped with the scam calls tremendously. It’s about $56.00/month. You or your sister can see who calls, and the numbers not listed will go unanswered. If a scam call comes in and leaves a message, you will get a notification, but your mom will have no idea. It also has a repeat dialing system that you can control if she starts to repeat dial someone. You can find it through the Alzheimer store or just google it.
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WearyJanie Mar 2023
I will look at this! Some good options to consider. I am thankful my sister, who is living with my mom, is more tech-savvy than me. She will be excited to look into these options.
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