Several months ago my mother asked my husband and I to sell our home and move in with her. She is 86 and is healthy but has some anxiety and significant depression. She cannot live alone and has been living with my family 3+ days of the week. She loves her Independance and wants to continue to live in her home. She wanted the house to be my inheritance and transferred the deed into my name. My sister lives in New Jersey and has been a distant daughter. For 30years she has visited maybe 5 times. She calls often but has been unavailable when we have asked for some assistance. Now that the title is in my name and we are living with my mother she is hurt. Her family is full of attorneys and she has recently claimed my mother asked her to “file some paperwork in her behalf” and has been calling asking over and over, “is it your wish mom that (myself) owns your home?” My mother has said yes several times but every time she calls she upsets my mom and I feel she is trying to confuse my mother into making a statement that she can use to revoke the QCD. What can I do to protect my mother and myself from her entitled manipulative conversations? I serve as my mother’s POA as well.
As you don't say where your mother lives or what your sister's circumstances (job, family, any other commitments) are, it's difficult to gauge whether it's reasonable to expect her to have travelled to see your mother more. You say she calls often. Distant, as in estranged, adult children don't call often, they call rarely; your sister, then, has remained quite close to your mother in spite of geographical distance.
And you think she's hurt by your mother's estate planning because she's entitled and manipulative? It could equally be that she's hurt that your mother has made a decision that treats her children so differently from one another. And it could in addition be that she suspects that your mother has indeed been manipulated - only not by her.
But your mother has answered the question, and that should be enough. Your sister is entitled to feel hurt - I think lots would, in her place - but she isn't entitled to disbelieve or to harass your mother.
I don't think you should counsel your mother on this subject - inappropriate, impossible for you to do so impartially, leaves you open to suspicion of exercising undue influence. But your mother's lawyer might help her phrase some way of communicating to your sister that this is the decision your mother has made, these are her reasons, and she doesn't want to hear any more about it.
Please make sure your mom has a Will.
My siblings are not honoring my mom's wishes because she didn't have a Will. They were never in her life, growing up with the other parent and they only want her money. Please take care of yourself and your mom by doing something now to protect yourselves against your uncaring sister.
Your mom can’t be in good health because she can’t live alone. You and your husband are caring for her. What if you aren’t able to meet her medical needs in the future?
Have you ever toured facilities? They aren’t cheap. Assisted living and memory care can be costly. Nursing homes are extremely expensive. Some people who have planned to private pay have enough money to pay. When money runs out, they rely on Medicaid. There is a ‘look back’ period with Medicaid. Were you aware of this?
You may not be able to keep the house that your mom wants you to have. You may have to sell it to pay for your mom’s care down the line. I would be more concerned about mom’s future care, rather than what your sis is up to. You can’t control your sister’s actions or behavior. I would speak with an attorney for advice, instead of a caregiver forum.
You mentioned that your sister has rarely visited but calls to speak to your mom. Does your mom want to speak to her? If she is upset by her calls, she doesn’t have to take the call.
Bottom line, it’s mom’s house. She can do as she pleases with it. I hope that it won’t interfere with her care in the future. It’s sad when siblings squabble about inheritance because truly no one should place an inheritance above their parent’s possible needs for care in the future.
Best wishes to you and your family. I hope it all works out and that your mom doesn’t have a severe health crisis and can’t apply for Medicaid.
Consult an attorney now to deal with your sister.
Have the lawyer send a cease and desist letter to your sister.
I hope that you understand that this sort of transfer is "gifting" under Medicaid regs and that if mom needs Medicaid-paid services before the 5 year lookback period is over, medicsid wont pay for NH care.
Hope that was all made clear to you by mom's attorney.