I recently lost my mom and didn’t get a chance to speak with her before they started fentanyl.

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Dear "MichaelJames,"

I am so sorry that you lost your mom recently without getting a chance to speak with her. I can only imagine how difficult as well as shocking this must be for you.

I hadn't seen my mom since February 28th. She was living in an IL/AL facility even though she was 95 with Alzheimer's since she was mobile, able to dress and feed herself. On April 22nd we received a call from an outside mobile doctor's nurse saying my mom was near death due to severe dehydration and COVID. I had her rushed to ER and she was hospitalized as they took further tests discovering she had bi-lateral pneumonia as well as a severe UTI. I thought she would die in the hospital and of course they weren't allowing visitors. She did pull through but, had to go to a rehab facility for three weeks. She was so weak, wasn't eating, lost 20 pounds and now could no longer walk or dress herself. While in rehab, we looked for a new facility (which was very difficult during the pandemic) so we could put her in their memory care wing and by then she was eligible for hospice to be involved. There were many times, we thought she wouldn't make it and I began trying to get started on arrangements as well as notifying her five remaining siblings so that if they wanted to talk to her, now was the time. Being that our state is one of the ones where COVID is out of control, I was assured that even though they were on lockdown, if they saw death was imminent, I would be able to come and be with her.

So, I don't understand why you weren't given that same opportunity. Although, I know it's now water under the bridge, I myself would want to know why. I was livid when I didn't know from the previous facility that I wasn't notified and believe me after everything settled down, I contacted the regional director in another state who oversaw the facility in our state both my email and then over the phone. I couldn't let it go until I spoke on my mom's behalf and made sure they knew this was not acceptable to me and I would not be paying the last months rent.

I sincerely hope that somehow, someway in spite of how things turned out that you will be comforted as you begin the grieving process journey. I will be thinking of and praying for you.
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I’m so SO SORRY for your situation, and unfortunately understand it only too well.
My LO became infected just after the lockdown, and has remained virus positive for almost 4 months.

I recently got a call that although she has had her first negative test result she is now doing more poorly than previously, and has been placed in a higher level of care. I have contact with her nurses, but until she has a second negative test and 14 days quarantine, no visits.

She remembers me and spoke to one of the nurses about me, and I’m heartsick that’s I can’t get to her.

I’ve sent dietary recommendations and FaceTimed her, but most of the calls were not good for either of us.

I don’t think there was anything at all that could have been done differently once the virus was in the building. That doesn’t change the heartbreak for those of us who have suffered this.

Once again, most gentle condolences. Take whatever comfort you can from the fact that we have now become a family, joined in sorrow. We all understand.
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MichaelJames, this past May my MIL was in LTC at a good facility when covid ran through it like wildfire. She was extremely weak and sick for 4 weeks. Since she was a DNR and they were extremely short staffed, she only got scheduled acetaminophen and 5 lt oxygen a day. We called my 2 BILs from out of state to come say goodbye the first week. MIL was so out of it and facility was so short staffed that window visits were non-productive. Her doc recommended hospice at week 4. Then suddenly at the end of week 4...she recovered. Completely. We saw her in person -- outside, distanced, with masks -- for the first time since the lockdown mid-March. We were completely convinced that we were not going to be able to give her a loving, family-filled passing and it was crushing us. I'm so so sorry for your loss and the way that it transpired...I can barely imagine your pain. Unless one chooses to remove their LO with covid from a facility to receive hospice at home, the facilities are just not going to budge on the protocols no matter what. May you be comforted by your loving memories and receive peace in your heart, eventually.
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