I don’t even know where to begin. He’s been in this nursing home for 3 months after being neglected at the previous home. He has not received the proper care due to Covid restrictions and last week we found out he is DYING. His health wasn’t great and at the last hospital visit (May 29th) he was diagnosed with end stage liver disease, kidney failure, enlarged prostate, and possible cancer. I’ve been calling and doing video calls twice a week, and I asked them to take him to the hospital because he didn’t look well. I traveled to him last week bc the doctor said he had hours to live. It’s been a week.
They put him on hospice. He is weak, and jaundiced. I have been allowed Socially distanced visits on an outdoor patio (in Puerto Rico) but that’s it. I want to be by his side for his last moments. He is very lonely.
The hospital is allowing one family member to be by his side. Should I take him to the hospital to be with him? I don’t know what to do. Heart is breaking. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know I am not alone and many have lost loved ones during this horrible pandemic.
My immediate family and I have been following strict social distancing, Hand washing, quarantine from March 11th as we also have health issues.
Thank you all! This forum helps me get through the hard days. I know I am not alone.
When someone is on hospice (at my loved one's facility), family is allowed to visit. The facility is still on lock down, and they have no cases. Every area is doing things differently. Statistics and what others are doing elsewhere are not much comfort when your heart is breaking. That you were allowed to visit at all is progress.
He is in a nursing home, and on hospice. You can ask hospice to increase his comfort care. You can discuss with hospice the care plan to keep him comfortable. With POA for medical, or being his only next of kin, you can perhaps contribute to the plan.
For example, there are choices at end of life. Such as feeding tube, yes or no, antibiotics yes or no, thickened nutrition to prevent choking are all techniques hospice can use. They usually choose, but as family and part of the care team, you can offer suggestions.
All is by order of the physician.
A patient can rally. Hospice can be cancelled and the patient sent to ER. Sometimes this only prolongs their suffering. It is not certain that you can be by his side if he is sent to the hospital. There are strict Covid-19 restrictions in place. If he is in ER or placed in ICU, you could not be by his side. But may be allowed to only visit briefly, if at all (due to Covid-19).
Be sure to practice the recommended Covid-19 practices for yourself. (Stay home if you are sick. Wear a mask. Wash hands for 20 seconds. Keep six feet away from others, etc.).
My advice is, continue the video calls, that can be made more often. imo. Visit if you can. I agree, being at his side is of profound importance at this time. 💔
Would he, and you, feel better if you had someone go to him every day or so, even if you couldn’t? Hospice will sometimes do that.
The problem of course, is that every who is dealing with Covid 19 is so horrifically busy just with caring for those patients.
It is helpful to me to know that my LO is being cared for by people who know her well and really cherish her, but sometimes I just LONG to hug her. I haven’t been able to see her since March 11, and she’s been Covid positive, although symptomatic, since then.
I have often been to the point when to prevent myself from going to pieces I would stop and do some little thing as a comfort. Music is something that really helps me to get OUT and AWAY from the pain, and so does meditation. I also think of all of us who are caregivers as a huge army of love that extends to all of us when we need it most.
I am trying to work something out with the nursing home, but was only allowed to sit by his side for 15 minutes yesterday.
Unfortunately, bringing him to my home isn’t and option as he is in Puerto Rico and I live in New Jersey.
This is so difficult 😔
So sorry to hear this. Don’t give up in trying to see him. You may be pleasantly surprised.