My brother is executor and wants our parents to move near him, good hospitals, and the only grand kids which is great because I don’t want them to move near me and it’s too expensive, so we agree on that! They are indignant and stubborn about the question of moving but are slowly combing through a hugely hoarded household. they say they will not move or go to a nursing home if they can’t stay in the house. A nursing home where they currently live, I presume!
Neither my brother nor I will visit them in the winter any longer since it’s dangerous and driving is often white out conditions.
Now, I realize I don’t want to fly there in good weather since it takes so long to get to where they are and I didn’t like growing up there either. I may feel guilty about that but would visit if they moved to my brother’s. My mom just tried to get me to commit over the phone to visiting in the spring and I said “maybe”. It’s my life and money. This is what FaceTime was invented for. For her, I suspect half the fun is in telling people when I have visited and saving face if it’s been too long since I’ve visited. Not about me.
They may be able to drive to my brother in better health but will never be able to fly to see me and navigate flights. They are only mid 70s. We’d really like them to move near my brother and spend more time with family and make new friends in a retirement community in a warm place.
Where they live has epic snowfall each year (dad fell and broke his hip on black ice in time for Christmas last year, has a bad heart and multiple knee surgeries and is still recovering), the house cannot be made safe and comfortable for handicap and no close family live nearby (there are some relatives they see every few months). They like neighbors and church people but those have changed a lot over time and they have few social contacts. They can’t even see relatives 4 hours away who might be reason to stay since all of them are in too poor of health to travel!
So. I think it’s selfish of my parents to stay in a crappy house and expect me to visit it in the middle of nowhere when my brother and I have offered to buy them a house (not that they need money) near him and their grand kids in a safer climate and closer to hospitals (they currently drive 90 minutes and stay overnight to go to good hospitals!).
Have you chosen not to visit your far away parents because they stay in a situation you don’t like and think is unsafe? Convinced them to move? How did you feel about your efforts?
I want them to move because it’s silly to be so frail in such a poor setup without family nearby. They think their neighbors help is enough but I’m afraid they’ll use up their good will sooner than they think and they HATE paying for help and try to do everything themselves. It’s pathological.
My mom is frazzled trying to care for my dad, herself, and get help with the household upkeep for an old house in long, harsh winters. She’s the kind who would much rather kill herself keeping her beliefs and the house going than to recognize reality, change, and be happy. Thought?