My mother is healthcare proxy to my father and I'm caregiver. Who should be in the exam room?

My Mom gave me pushback about being in the exam room with her. I told her my job was just to "take notes" because the docs talk fast. I also had her create a list of questions for the doc, so I was basically the "secretary". I sat behind her so that if the doc asked a question and she didn't give an accurate answer, I would nod or shake my head. The doc got it. They've seen it all. I did this for both my MIL and Mom. For my MIL I wrote a note in advance saying who I was and the concerns I had about my MIL (which was memory impairment) and that she was not recognizing her own symptoms. I discretely handed the note to the staff before hand. It worked great.

The healthcare proxy.

You can go with them to the appointment and ask for the HIPAA Medical Representative form. Have your Dad fill in your name so that the medical staff can legally discuss your Dad's private health information with you without his further consent or presence.

We generally had 2 in the exam. Me, the healthcare POA, and also the caregiver along with Mom.

We also passed along notes or talked to staff in the hallway to pass along to the doctor before he/she came in.

Why does it have to be an either/or? Is there any reason you both can't be in the exam room with dad?

Ideally both of you legally your mom. However, your dad does have the right to say either way.

Your mother.

It all depends on Dad. If he wants you in the room too, then there is no reason why you can't be. Even if he signs a HIPAA form, he can ban you when he wants to. Is Moms proxy in effect? Sometimes its worded a doctor has to invoke it saying the principle is not competent to make decisions. The main purpose of a Medical proxy is to carry out the principles wishes concerning their heath.

If Dad is competent to make informed decisions, he can request that neither you nor Mom be in the exam room with him. The doctor will abide by what Dad wants.

My Sister and I have found it helpful for one of use to be in the room. Ask your Dad if it's OK with him that you're there. You can be a Health Care Proxy too, most states allow that, I did that with a friend who had a terminal diagnosis. Her Sister and I could attend appointments. Your Dad would have to sign the form. Explain it will help your whole family if you are included. Especially both parents, it will allow you to ask questions as his caregiver. They will be different questions than your Dad's or Mom's. I always feel it's best to have two sets of ears than one, being your Mom, so there isn't confusion. My Dad is always grateful I'm there because he doesn't always know what questions to ask and thanks me for helping. I do same for Mother who's memory isn't as sharp as it used to be. Best wishes as you navigate this family dynamic!

I don't know what the laws say about this. From my viewpoint as one adult child (of four) of parents whose health-care appointments we often attended, even three people in addition to the patient wasn't too many. Two, such as you and your mother in your situation, probably is optimal. I don't think one is enough; it can be difficult for one person to listen, ask questions, and take notes all at the same time.