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We also passed along notes or talked to staff in the hallway to pass along to the doctor before he/she came in.
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We generally had 2 in the exam. Me, the healthcare POA, and also the caregiver along with Mom.
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My Mom gave me pushback about being in the exam room with her. I told her my job was just to "take notes" because the docs talk fast. I also had her create a list of questions for the doc, so I was basically the "secretary". I sat behind her so that if the doc asked a question and she didn't give an accurate answer, I would nod or shake my head. The doc got it. They've seen it all. I did this for both my MIL and Mom. For my MIL I wrote a note in advance saying who I was and the concerns I had about my MIL (which was memory impairment) and that she was not recognizing her own symptoms. I discretely handed the note to the staff before hand. It worked great.
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Rosered6 3 hours ago
Excellent!
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Elal613, for a while, my sister said I shouldn't ask questions during our mom's health-care appointments because, according to sis, if mom didn't want to ask the physician about something, that mom didn't want the topic to be discussed. I felt as though I was being told not to tattle on mom, too. I found it difficult to be in the room if mom was going to pretend that everything was fine when things weren't fine. For example, she wouldn't tell the physician about having pain even though at home, she would complain about pain, and sis would tell me to not say anything about the pain complaints.
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I don't know what the laws say about this. From my viewpoint as one adult child (of four) of parents whose health-care appointments we often attended, even three people in addition to the patient wasn't too many. Two, such as you and your mother in your situation, probably is optimal. I don't think one is enough; it can be difficult for one person to listen, ask questions, and take notes all at the same time.
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Why does it have to be an either/or? Is there any reason you both can't be in the exam room with dad?
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Elal613 8 hours ago
I agree he is allowed two people in the room with him
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If you're the caregiver, you should have access as well. As Geaton said, have your father fill out the HIPAA form to allow you, if there is any question.

Are you being treated fairly as his caregiver? Are your parents appreciative and respectful of the help you're providing to him?
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Elal613 8 hours ago
Yes my parents are very appreciative and respectful. I am being treated fairly as caregiver.
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The healthcare proxy.

You can go with them to the appointment and ask for the HIPAA Medical Representative form. Have your Dad fill in your name so that the medical staff can legally discuss your Dad's private health information with you without his further consent or presence.
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Your mother.
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Elal613 5 hours ago
My older siblings one who lives on the Upper west side of NYC and One who lives in DC think that I use my father's medical appointments as a means to tattle on my father. They don't understand what I have been going through as caregiver to my father for the past 13 years. Nor do they understand the day to day functioning of my father.
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