It's not much you can do with this situation. Please check out Al-Anon in your area. There are phone and Zoom meetings available if time is the essence.
I had a client that had dementia and alcoholism. I just basically sat with him during the visit. He could tell some tall tales though.
For many, it's not so easy to just walk away and leave an alcoholic to die alone because you disagree with their addiction. That often creates severe guilt and ruminating about what could've been done differently but wasn't. There but for the grace of God go I.
Al-Anon is for YOU, my friend, not to become 'enmeshed ' with the addict but quite the opposite.....to learn how NOT to become enmeshed. To draw boundaries, to protect yourself, and to learn compassion w/o enabling. To become associated with or to identify with Al-Anon or AA is a blessing in life, nothing less. AA saved my life, I'm proud to say. No stigma is attached to the organization for me or millions of others. We all need help in life sometimes and it's perfectly fine to ask for it.
Wishing you the best of luck with this difficult situation you face.
Dr Laura just going on in very interesting call from a woman the other day, Lea, in which she said "You don't have to LEAVE. You can stay and support what you wish, and not support what you don't want to, meanwhile making your own life with support groups (Al-Anon), hobbies you can love, exercise and activities of your own. What's important is to understand that you aren't going to change the alcoholic or "help" or "prevent" or anything else. THAT they must do, and want to do on their own.
Many people are recommending Al Anon, and it is a fine organization that helps many people. The problem is that you then become identified with and caught up in the reality of a situation that you didn't create and can't fix. Yet you are expected to keeping working at Al Anon goals, going to meetings, etc. That's a course of action that for some people becomes a form of enmeshment when what might also work is simply walking away from the alcoholic and leaving them to their journey, which by this time you wish was never yours.
I can see it both ways. There's been addiction in my family, so I'm aware of enabling and the family culture that develops because of addiction and all the other things we're caught up in when we love an addict. I just wanted to point out that there are options other than Al Anon. It's OK to wash your hands of the whole mess and refuse to participate in others' drama. Only you can decide what is right for you.
Al-Anon frowns upon enmeshment big time. They frown upon your becoming involved in the alcoholic's alcoholism whether to enable or advise. In fact Al-Anon is very different to AA in that you are taught BASICALLY there are only two choices open to you, STAY or GO. Nothing else. Every single thing other than stay or go is not going to change the alcoholic. It teaches you that if you stay you will have to stop helping, excusing, enabling, purchasing, advising the alcoholic and will have to make your own life and with your own friends and hobbies and work. If you go, well that option is clear. I attended Al-Anon when an extended family member had an alcoholism crisis. I was utterly AMAZED at the caring support.
How you deal with this is by attending Al-Anon. There you will meet with families in your exact position. They will know resources for you and there will be great advice about what you can and what you cannot do to help the alcoholic.
You go to Al-Anon to help yourself, then you call APS to report this vulnerable person, and then you step as far away as possible from this situation/person and let the chips fall where they may.
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I had a client that had dementia and alcoholism. I just basically sat with him during the visit. He could tell some tall tales though.
Al-Anon is for YOU, my friend, not to become 'enmeshed ' with the addict but quite the opposite.....to learn how NOT to become enmeshed. To draw boundaries, to protect yourself, and to learn compassion w/o enabling. To become associated with or to identify with Al-Anon or AA is a blessing in life, nothing less. AA saved my life, I'm proud to say. No stigma is attached to the organization for me or millions of others. We all need help in life sometimes and it's perfectly fine to ask for it.
Wishing you the best of luck with this difficult situation you face.
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I can see it both ways. There's been addiction in my family, so I'm aware of enabling and the family culture that develops because of addiction and all the other things we're caught up in when we love an addict. I just wanted to point out that there are options other than Al Anon. It's OK to wash your hands of the whole mess and refuse to participate in others' drama. Only you can decide what is right for you.
I 100% agree to go to Al-Anon, report your LO to APS and step completely away so that the only real solution can be put into motion.
You are not responsible for your LO's happiness.
You cannot have their recovery for them.
Boundaries.