Your sister has already made the right decision to not give up her life for her mom, and now you need to do the same. You should be working a full-time job in the career you've chosen and I assume love instead of only earning a measly amount working as your moms caregiver. And your partner should of course come first, not your mom. Any mom that truly loves their children would NEVER want them giving up their lives to care for them. That is just pure selfishness! If your mom can no longer live by herself then it's time to look into having her placed in the appropriate facility,(using her own money or Medicaid) and if she is still able to live by herself with care then she needs to hire an outside agency to come take care of her where you can get back to just being her loving son and not her burned out caregiver. You and your partner deserve better.
Mom isn’t intentionally trying to push your buttons, her oncoming dementia is impacting her behavior, and sadly will only worsen. Deciding in advance that you won’t consider options outside of you providing all the care is already costing you financially both now and in your future, and may cost you in relationships and personal health. None of us knows what’s to come, and dementia only heightens this. It’s admirable to want to care for your mother. Try to balance this desire with considering your own needs, this is what your mother, if healthy and whole, would want for you.
You are being a wonderful, loving son to your mother. BUT, you also need to be a loving and caring partner, and a good steward of your own life and future, for your own sake, and the sake of those who care about you, and who would be put in a position to take care of you when the need arises.
At 58, you do not have a huge amount of time in your professional career left. Get back into your professional career immediately! If you don’t, you will find yourself without it - both income and professional satisfaction in yourself - at the point where you most need it. Retirement is not easy. Income ends but expenses do not.
Your sister recognizes reality for herself. Respect her for that. If she understands she cannot do what you are doing hands-on for your mother, accept she is correct in understanding herself. Not all of us are cut out to be nurses or hands-on caregivers. I certainly am not, and I know it. Do not even consider any financial resources she and her husband may or *may not* have to be available to your perceived needs. Rental properties are not a source of unlimited wealth, and you simply cannot know what their real, private financial situation is, nor expect to use their assets.
You probably should cut back on time you are spending with your mother. If you are finding yourself frazzled and with a short temper, that is a sign you need to cut back for the good of both you and her. It’s not good for either of you.
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You should be working a full-time job in the career you've chosen and I assume love instead of only earning a measly amount working as your moms caregiver.
And your partner should of course come first, not your mom.
Any mom that truly loves their children would NEVER want them giving up their lives to care for them. That is just pure selfishness!
If your mom can no longer live by herself then it's time to look into having her placed in the appropriate facility,(using her own money or Medicaid) and if she is still able to live by herself with care then she needs to hire an outside agency to come take care of her where you can get back to just being her loving son and not her burned out caregiver.
You and your partner deserve better.
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At 58, you do not have a huge amount of time in your professional career left. Get back into your professional career immediately! If you don’t, you will find yourself without it - both income and professional satisfaction in yourself - at the point where you most need it. Retirement is not easy. Income ends but expenses do not.
Your sister recognizes reality for herself. Respect her for that. If she understands she cannot do what you are doing hands-on for your mother, accept she is correct in understanding herself. Not all of us are cut out to be nurses or hands-on caregivers. I certainly am not, and I know it. Do not even consider any financial resources she and her husband may or *may not* have to be available to your perceived needs. Rental properties are not a source of unlimited wealth, and you simply cannot know what their real, private financial situation is, nor expect to use their assets.
You probably should cut back on time you are spending with your mother. If you are finding yourself frazzled and with a short temper, that is a sign you need to cut back for the good of both you and her. It’s not good for either of you.