My husband's grandmother (she now has early stage of dementia not sure what stage) raised 5 kids in total, all are living local, all are over 50 now. I'm 39 my husband is 40. He has spent most of his adult life helping with her bills etc. When I met him he had his own place, we got married within a year, been together 5 years. In the last year or so his grandma has had a major decline in her memory which is roughly about the time we bought our house which was a hour away. After a year of living there (paid the house off in full so no mortgage) he got worried she wasn't doing well and to be honest I think they rarely came to see her or help her (she has 4 grown adult children over 40 in the area near her). Now my MIL will on the occasion take her for a few hours but she already stated she was moving away asap. So now while our house sells we are staying here. I went from being a wife to a live in maid, gofer, taxi, babysitter, leading her by the hand. It's only been 4 months now and she has gotten worse. None of her kids will take her to a doctor I have been forbidden to do it since I'm just married into the family.
I get rare chances for me time and spend hours listening to her repeat the same questions or memories and trying to remain calm and answer but I feel like I'm going crazy. She has thrown tantrums in stores on me and I don't have kids. We can't have children due to medical issues on my part. I have no idea how to react to an 87 year old woman doing that. She got mad and threw a bag of candy down the isle everyone looked at me like I was a jerk. I have no social life, no support network I feel depressed and my husband avoids talking to me on how to deal with it. He says there is no help for it and that's what my MIL says too. So if this is stage one or two of dementia and it's this hard how do I find a group in my area? I need someone to relate too. I am starting to get depressed. They refuse to put her in a home. I'm doing my best but I feel like I'm just being taken advantage of sometimes how do I set boundries? She huffs and puffs wanting me to constantly driver her all over town and gets upset with me. I'm not rich and gas isn't cheap I'm grouchy a lot lately cause I feel like I got dumped into this. My husband is barely here, he escapes threw work. I'm 24/7 with her and they take it as me whining when I try to talk about it. any advice? Pls I could use any advice. How to handle tantrums I feel I disrespect her if I scold her she is older I was raised that way. My MIL told me to treat her like a child I don't know how. I don't have kids and to be honest I would feel horrible. How do you deal with inlaws with dementia?