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VictoriaMcD Asked March 2023

My Type 2 diabetic father is refusing to eat today. What do I do?

Dad is acting up because his rental will be ready in a little over a week. As you all forewarned me, he is fussing about it. He doesn't want to leave my house, which he just came here and never left. He suddenly is acting like he is having more difficulty walking. Says his legs feel like lead weight. Then holding his hands saying the neuropathy is hurting. I asked if he needed to seek medical attention, but he refused. Now he claims he is sick to his stomach, and won't eat lunch. His glucose level is fine. I feel he is basically trying to pretend he is worse off than he is, thinking we will suddenly ask him to stay here permanently, even though we've explained over & over why he cannot live with us.

JoAnn29 Mar 2023
When I had my colonoscopy done I asked how people with diabetes did the fasting. The doctor said one day of not eating will not hurt them.

97yroldmom Mar 2023
Victoria
Does your dad drive? Will he be doing his own shopping or is he dependent on you? If he doesn’t drive, you may be able to get home health for him. This would give him a little looking after by a nurse and could get him some therapy for his mobility issues. They would set up his pill planner, take his vitals etc. if he adjusts well, then he may only need one certification period. Call his doctor and see if they will order HH for him.
if I were you, I would expect some decline. This will be a big change for him but hopefully he will rebound.
VictoriaMcD Mar 2023
He hasn't driven since living with us. But he will when he moves. He drove all over last fall. He does need help shopping, as it was difficult getting the bags in the house. I agreed to shop once every couple weeks for him & to stop by and fill his meds. I would LOVE for someone else to come in. I have an appointment with the Area Agency on Aging director. She is going to assess his needs & go from there. I am thankful we live in a good county for the elderly. There are a lot of resources here to help. He wouldn't qualify for meals on wheels at his last house, but I was told everyone qualifies here because of extra funding. I am grateful.

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MargaretMcKen Mar 2023
I’d consider telling him that the stress of the coming move is not being good for him or for you, as you are all involved in planning it. Put him in a hotel for the few days until the move is due, sort out your own home on your own, and take him straight from the hotel to his new residence. He can manipulate on his own!
VictoriaMcD Mar 2023
That isn't an option as he needs to use his funds for a new washer & dryer and a mattress set. His set had dog and cat 💩 on it. It went to the dump.
JoAnn29 Mar 2023
Being a CNA at one time does not mean u can care for him. You said it in a reply, you had back surgery and now other health problems. Senior parents don't seem to realize they have Senior children. If he keeps it up say "Well Dad looks like we have made a mistake. Maybe you need a NH more than the rental". The best way to deal with this type of personality is to turn it back on them. The choice is no longer your home. Thats off the table. Its this rental or a nursing home. Just because he is you Dad does not mean you need to take his stuff.

My Dad was a Curmudgeon we loved. I had to take him to a vein Dr for his legs. He had to sit before we even got to the elevator. In the elevator he hung on the rails for dear life. TG the door to the doctors office was 10 ft away. Nope, he would use a walker. I told him if he wanted me to drive him again, he would use a walker. I got one from work. He used it but handed it back to me when he got home.
VictoriaMcD Mar 2023
That is what I told him. When he started his "struggling" while walking, after being fine all this time, I told him he is going to have to use a walker at his new home. He has been walking fine ever since.
MeDolly Mar 2023
Oh the games they play, pure & simple manipulation!

Ok, so he doesn't want to eat a lunch, let it be, put it in refrigerator and tell him it is there to eat when he is ready.

You've got this, you've set your boundaries now stick to them.

AlvaDeer Mar 2023
I have read your posts here and your answers to others. I think you got this. That is to say, I think you understand it. I think it is normal.

Try now to begin the separation he is going to HAVE TO adjust to. If he doesn't want to eat, that's fine. Just tell him "Let me know if you want it a bit later, it's on the left shelf in a container; be sure to check your sugars, Dad".

This may be a conscious action or a subconscious action, but dad will now have to learn to function on his own. Importantly you will have to insist that he does so, ALLOW HIM TO DO SO. He knows the number for his MD. He knows how to check his sugar.

Simply matter of factly move on. And don't be surprised if this escalates a bit. This is hard for him, but what you are missing is that it is HARD FOR YOU ALSO to give up the control you have gradually taken on.

I wish you the best. You're a smart gal, like I said--you got this.
VictoriaMcD Mar 2023
We all feel this is straight up manipulative behavior. On his glucometer, it allows him to check off how he is "feeling". He always checks off "stressed". We have had to have repetitive conversations about "consequences of his choices and of being irresponsible". He just wants to blame us now. 🙄 I refuse to continue to be the family scapegoat. I told my husband, if he keeps this up, he won't be moving into a new rental, he'll be going into a nursing facility. I feel like I am dealing with a teenager right now.
MJ1929 Mar 2023
I'd tell him that clearly his health has taken a drastic turn for the worse, and perhaps he'd be better off in a nursing home because you certainly are not qualified to deal with such serious medical issues all going south at once.
VictoriaMcD Mar 2023
I was a CNA for years. He knows I can handle these issues, do that may not work. Although, what we've told him is I cannot lift him if he falls, as I had spinal surgery & have my own health issues. I feel this is a childish attempt to get us to do what he wants us to do.

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