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R
rondel3664 Asked March 2023

What to do with uncooperative mother-in-law?

My MIL is now back with us. She has dementia, anxiety, depression, and paranoia! Last time she was with us, she got kicked out of the home we had her in. She’s been kicked out of several facilities. My wife just took her to check out an adult day care center, and she was kicked out of there. They didn’t want her! We are not equipped to handle her either. Any advice appreciated!
Thanks!

AlvaDeer Mar 2023
I think that the next time you manage to get her placed you need to refuse to take her back in. If you are POA you can insist she be placed, that you do not have facilities to care for her, are not there to care for her, whatever other excuse may come to mind. You do not have to take elders into your home.

Other than this, I don't really know how to advise you, as you have taken her into your home. Moreover, if you have accepted a POA or guardianship over her you would have a fiduciary responsibility you could likely only withdraw from with legal help if she is now incompetent.

I sure wish you luck but it is time to see a Licensed Social worker in private practice or an Elder Law Attorney to explore your options and responsibilities. I am so sorry for all the woe.

AnnReid Mar 2023
If you have her seen now by a psychiatrist/psychologist/neurologist TRAINED IN GERIATRIC BEHAVIORAL MANAGEMENT you may be able to find a placement, possible in a memory care unit, that will give her a trial with appropriately supervised medication.

We worked with a VERY GOOD psychiatric practice, and with time and a very fine residence staff, my LO, who was a tiny wildcat when triggered, came to enjoy her surroundings and became much more manageable and content.

There IS a solution for her, and it IS worth it to you AND HER to FIND it!

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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2023
I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this situation.

Can you explain why she is being kicked out?

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