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SusanMae Asked December 2022

Does the power of attorney have the right to fire me as caregiver and place my mom in a home because she wants our mother closer to her?

Eight years ago, one of my fathers last wishes was to have me care for my mom in their home. I left my job and apartment in California in 2014 and have been the primary caregiver in Westchester County. NY doing everything that needs to be done nearly 24/7 and being paid some nominal rate via my mom's retirement. My sister is one of two Power's of Attorneys, my brother being the other. Over Thanksgiving, they both decided to put our mom in a memory care facility, (one rated with 2 stars that is severely short staffed) and are basically leaving me without a home or income without any discussion. I keep the house and my mother clean, cook organic healthy meals, provide exercise and art therapies. I needed help though so I married an old boyfriend who showed up after 45 years. He also has a lot of care taking experience and has been a great help without proper compensation. A week after I got married, they moved my mom out and left us not knowing what's going to happen next. I just want to take my mother back home. She was so distressed when I visited her.

97yroldmom Dec 2022
You could always file for guardianship of your mom. No guarantee you would win. Your POA Siblings may have felt they had no choice if they deemed your DH a liability rather than an asset.
I am sorry for your and moms distress.

MeDolly Dec 2022
Yes and it may be the right thing to do for your mothers well-being. Moving a stranger into her home would be a red flag to me, he just showed up after 45 years, you marry him and move him right in cause you need help?

I hope that you at least ran a background check on him, a lot can happen in 45 years.

Might be time for you to go back to work and get your life back on track.

What your father wanted has no bearing on what is best for your mother today.

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ZippyZee Dec 2022
You married someone who just “shows up” after 45 years? I’d be concerned about a parent living in that situation as well. A new person being in the house all the time could be quite traumatic for someone with mom’s conditions. A persons “dying wish” means absolutely nothing, so that’s 100% irrelevant. I’d side with the siblings in this situation.

gladimhere Dec 2022
You married because you needed help? Is your sis concerned about this situation?

How long had you been caring for mom in her home? Eight years?

Consider talking to an attorney. Sis would have to evict you. After caring for mom for so long you may be entitled to the home and mom could go on medicaid if she has no other assets.

There may also be an issue with being paid under the table.

Talk to an attorney.

MJ1929 Dec 2022
The short answer is yes -- if her POA is activated.

What your dad wanted means nothing if it wasn't in writing, and POA would likely overrule that anyway.

I'd assume your hasty marriage is what led to this move. It doesn't sound like the best decision, and perhaps your sister (rightly) concerned about Mom's safety.

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