Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
S
SueLynn91 Asked August 2022

My Mom is talking to scammers/strangers on Facebook messenger. Do I set up parental controls on her phone or take it? This is so hard!

My mom believes she has been in contact via Facebook messenger with Roman Reigns from WWE (I don’t even know how or when she became interested in WWE wresting). I found out she has been messaging with this scammer on FB messenger. This is the second time this has happened. About 6 months ago she was messaging with someone that was pretending to be this same wrestler, acting as if he was in love with her, always asking her for money, and eventually they hacked her account, but I was able to retrieve it and delete the account. My Dad and I explained the dangers of the internet, how people can scam you out of money and much worse. Well, she didn’t want to hear all that so she tried everyday, in secret, to create a new Facebook account and after almost 6 months she succeeded. Once she did, she made a point to let me know. Of course, I am not happy about it.


She is naive and does not understand how the internet works, does not understand how someone can pretend to be someone they are not. When I explained she is not in contact with the actual Roman Reigns, this is a fake account, she told me to watch him on the tv Friday night and I’ll see that he is real.


I set all the settings for privacy and what not on her account to be sure it’s as protected as it can be, which really is not much at all.


Again, she is messaging with a scammer, believing it’s Roman Reigns, the same person from the last time.


I have talked with my Dad about deleting her Facebook again or possibly getting another phone that is not a smartphone. He has not been in great health recently, and worries about her not having anything to do if she gets a phone that is not a smartphone (to get pictures/videos from friends and family, play games, etc). She has mobility issues, does not drive, and does not like to leave the house unless it’s a doctor appointment or beauty shop appointment.


I am going to have to be the one to make decisions and set boundaries, as I’m an only child, but I feel awful every time I have to “fuss or discipline” my Mom. I don’t like getting stern or acting as the “parent figure”. I believe my Dad has given up on trying to make her understand and I am not entirely sure he really understands just how easy it can be for these scammers to gain access. Not to mention, the doctor told him that his recent health issues are common with age but stress can also exacerbate the problem. My dads response was “I’m a goner, have you met my wife?”


When I try to talk with my mom about, she rolls her eyes, huffs and puffs, and says “ok I get it”. It makes me flashback to when my daughter was 13/14 years old! It’s drives me nuts on one hand, but on the other I know this isn’t the mom I grew up with and I have to do what it takes to keep her safe and take care of her (and my Dad).

LoopyLoo Aug 2022
Yes it can be hard to take charge. But it will be much harder when their account is drained.

sp19690 Aug 2022
Thats why old people should not be on social media. They are too gullible. I miss the old days when seniors could only potentially be scammed on the phone. Now we have the phone and internet. It's too much.

ADVERTISEMENT


JoAnn29 Aug 2022
Nothing is mentioned about Mom having Dementia but at 75 its not unusual. I think the first thing to go is the ability to reason and be reasoned with. I saw this a while before I actually saw other things with Moms Dementia. I am 72 and I am very aware of the scammers. I have set all my Facebook settings to private. I except no one as a friend if I do not personally know them. Even friends of friends I do not except.

One way these men get your attn is to respond to one of ur replies. It goes something like "I so enjoy your responses. Love to be a friend but you need to friend me." You can block these responses. Even though my settings are private, these scammers seem to get into your messenger because they have hacked into one of your friends accts. Their message is "how are you doing". And the one I fell for was from my SIL saying "guess who died". Which I thought was strange since is the one who moved away and its me saying "guess who died" Yes, I opened it and then realized it was not my SIL. The next day at 2pm everyone I had ever dealt with thru messenger got the same message I had received. TG I was on at the time. Immediately went on FB to warn my friends and then started messaging the others not to open that message. Took me an hour.

I would go into her AD settings and click off the ads. I have tried to get rid of that junk stuff. Also, you need to be careful what sites you like. I know friends send them but they are seen by everyone and thats where these scammers pop up.

Yes, use the children controls. Her friends should be limited to only those she personally knows. Also, I have gotten non-friend messages that you can look at but once you reply they now can talk to you.

MeDolly Aug 2022
Yes, parental controls, she is not thinking clearly. I would also limit her access to their funds.

I hope that you have a DPOA, this will not get better, dementia has no cure.

Do what you have to...protect your parents from themselves.

Good Luck!

Daughterof1930 Aug 2022
Who’s in control of mom and dad’s finances? Are you listed on their accounts? Do you have POA for financial and healthcare decisions? Do they have a legal and up to date wiil? These are all important steps to have in place. If this isn’t done, it’s definitely step one and if mom won’t cooperate or you think she won’t, have dad do it with her. And yes, enact the parental controls on her phone, do this when you can get the phone away without her noticing and never mention it to her. Don’t discuss the phone or what’s she’s doing again, it only makes her defensive. Has mom had a recent medical evaluation that included the concerns about her poor decision making? Her doctor needs to be aware of this, send a note with your concerns instead of discussing it in front of mom. You’re correct, it’s not fun to step in and parent your parents, but they’re blessed you care and are willing to look out for them

cwillie Aug 2022
IMO the most effective solution is to severely limit her ability to send money to these scammers - does she have access to bank or investment accounts?

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter