Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
B
BettyCrocker Asked July 2022

Running out of money and will need to relocate my mom. Any advice?

Has anyone had experience keeping a parent in their home for as long as possible, then having to sell her home to provide money to care for her?


My mom had a stroke 2 years ago. When she came home from the hospital, I hired a full-time, live-in caregiver for her. Mom lives in CA in her home. My family and I live in TX. My plan was to keep her living comfortably in her home for as long as possible.


In about a year, I will have drawn down her savings and will need to sell her home. I've been looking at memory care facilities, but worry about the day I have to tell her she will need to move.


My mom has stroke-related dementia and gets very emotional when she hears news that makes her sad. This is the hard part for me. She cries and cries, even when I make a small change to a visit timeline, for example.


 


Has anyone on this forum had to move a family member to pay for care? Does anyone have advice?

AnnReid Jul 2022
I had a VERY tough time dealing with my LO’s tears, in spite of the fact that dealing with mood swings and overt emotional reactions was an important part of my professional training.

I do better when I remind myself that I’m really suffering from her discomfort more than she is, and also that I’m doing EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to do everything I can on her behalf to make her safe and comfortable.

Selling my mother’s house was the saddest thing I ever had to be responsible for, but her 5 1/2 years in a beautiful local residence were wonderful for her.

Be at peace that you are doing what must be done because of your love for her.

Ohwow323 Jul 2022
Mine was kinda easy because I was able to say to my Daddy after released from the hospital - "This is a rehab place as soon as you can do A,B,C, then the doctor can release you to come home." He soon forgot about the coming home. I was able to visit him daily and the place was great It cost $4500. a month. That was two years ago. I don't know what it would cost in TX but at least you would be able to visit and that may make the difference with the fear of change.

ADVERTISEMENT


BarbBrooklyn Jul 2022
After a stroke and a diagnosis of Vascular Dementia, we got profoundly wonderful advice from a series of geriatric psychiatrists who found a cocktail of meds (antidepressant and antianxiety meds) that kept her emotional liability in check and made her less apt to go off the rails when the unexpected happened.

Perhaps a geripsych consult would be something to consider.
BettyCrocker Jul 2022
Thanks for your helpful reply! My mom is taking olanzapine, and actually has a great elder psychiatrist. The olanzapine helps her with Sundowners in the evening. Without is, she is extremely anxious.

Your comment gave me the idea that maybe I should get in touch with her elder psychiatrist. He's been very helpful so far and might have some ideas.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter