8 years. 24/7. No breaks. Covert narcissism? No help, but need help. What to do?

Helping my grandma to recover from a surgery somehow turned into me typing this 8 years later. At 39 years old, I didn't apply to be a "caregiver" & throw away my existing title of grand-daughter, but "caregiver" has somehow become my job title anyway. Somewhere along the way, my grandma's doctors just started talking directly to me while also asking endless questions like: "Are you doing this for her? Are you making sure of that for her?" So, I started doing "this and that" for her thinking "this and that" was my responsibility.

My grandma also started thinking I needed to do "this and that" for her when she could do those things for herself. I suppose doctors mistook her being hard of hearing as her being an invalid when she wasn't.

Now, I have not one minute alone in what's become far more than grabbing my grandma a cup of coffee and/or making her some lunch. She has no interests and no hobbies. The bulk of her needs have long since become depression-related & I'm required to pacify the loneliness that consumes her when I'm not tending to her every other growing need that's surpassing depression as a life of stubborn stagnation tends to create physical, mental, and spiritual illnesses.

"Covert Narcissism" is a term that only very recently came into my sphere of consciousness. I've tried to explain to my grandma that with prices inflating, I need to get a job. In doing so, I'm remembering the many other times I've asked for such permissions only to be met with the demand that I feel shame and guilt as if abandoning and rejecting her.

Doctor, Physical Therapists, Etc... tell her to keep moving. Her selective hearing misses these instructions.

Exhausted isn't the word. Burned-out isn't sufficient either. I've tried everything I know to try. I've tried to incentitivize hobbies only to be met with: "I can't do puzzles, crotchet, embroidery, gardening (you name it) ALL the time."

I haven't asked her to do anything "ALL the time"... just do something sometimes... something besides sitting and staring at me waiting on me to do something for her or that entertains/amuses her.

She refuses to practice her standing. She's let the strength of 2 functioning legs go with doctor's warnings that she'll become bed-ridden if she doesn't move. I ask her to "please stand" for only 2 minutes an hour and she acts as if I'm bullying her to which I dedicate hours trying to explain my sincere care only for her to become enraged.

She's never had a heart attack or stroke. She has CHF, courtesy of A-Fib, & fluid retention. For 4 of these 8 years that was in remission & she was on no meds. It's back and she's on 2 meds. She also self-medicated her anxiety with my back turned in 2020 with some of my grandpa's 20-year-old Nitro I didn't know she had stashed.

She blacked-out from the drop in Blood Pressure, fell, and broke her hip. Since then, fear keeps her from walking without a walker that she puts all her weight on while refusing physical therapy exercises.

I get about 4 hours of sleep (if lucky) which she begrudges, because she has the luxury of catnaps while I'm awake. Then, when I conk-out, she's awake and frustrated that I'm asleep.

I don't know what to do? I've tried to keep her out of a nursing home. I've drained 8 years of my life and my life savings to do it. 8 years & I called her sister once, 2 weeks ago, for help only to be told "don't call". My mom has been out of the picture for 12 years. It's just me and grandma and there's little-to-nothing left of me.

I didn't get a guide book. In 8 years, no medical professional has presented me with options so much as just given me more responsibilities that I still don't quite understand how her responsibilities became mine in total neglect of my own to myself.

I've lost all my friends as no friend likes a friend that has no time for them, and I have no time for myself. The moment to source this site & write are stolen while she naps.