Mom had a terrible life. Wants to tell the horrible stories over and over. Wants reassurance that she was a great mother. Wants explanations over and over of how she ended up in NH. Everyone involved tried their best, she accuses them of stealing her money, home, car, in reality, Medicaid contract made most of that happen. In every instance, she veers from mournful losses, to victimization, to nefarious plots, must talk, talk, talk, can be on phone for hours, wanting to know why no one loves her, why family isn't visiting, why family won't talk on phone. She is hateful to every roommate, competitive with even younger staff regarding looks, demanding, accuses male nurses of sexual innuendos and flirting, wants the life of a princess, with every comfort, complains about everything, refuses to eat, refuses to drink water, pours food and liquids down toilet, lies, wants other food, regardless of what she ordered now she doesn't want it, is very proud of her size and weight, brags, accuses all of jealousy because she is younger and hotter and can walk without walker, insatiable need for attention, threatens everyone with a lawyer anytime she doesn't get her way. That covers about a 1/4 of her issues.
She refused to arrange for long term care, so she is where she is, and this is how it is going to be. It is a nice NH, she has had many diagnoses: executive function strokes (decision making, inhibition, impulse/compulsive issues), 40+ yrs of treatment for mood disorder (Bipolar Mixed), personality disorder (Borderline), schitzophrenia (visual and auditory hallucinations and paranoia); now mild dementia, memory loss, obviously she is narcissistic and always has been.
Nothing I do appears to help. In many ways, it seems that the more I try to help, the worse I make things. She appears to have lost an internal structure and must rely on describing things to validate the event occurred. I have actually experimented on the phone, letting her direct the conversation to see if uninterrupted or redirected, if she is able to resolve anything at all. The answer is no.
The clock has curly numbers, so she cannot read it. She doesnt appear to know that 12 is traditionally at the top. Since the numbers are curly, she is unable to believe that a 1 and a 2 is a 12, she has no proof that those are the numbers. They don't want her to have a digital clock yet. She has no idea if it is day or night, she refuses to look out the window, doesn't care if it is dark or light, she wants to be told, because she "doesn't want to think". She refuses to eat or drink water, has a morbid fear of being overweight, (she weighed 250 lbs before gastric bypass 15 yrs ago but has no memory of ever being fat, she is horrifed at the thought and claims photos of her then, have been tampered with) and simpers and pretends to be appalled at her mere 114 lbs. Maybe 114 is a lie. Because almost anything, regardless of how small or simple it is, must be spun into the tallest tale imaginable, everything is huge, giant, the worst, the best ever, the most horrifying, incredible, dramatic, outrageous thing that has ever happened, even if it is simply that her laundry was delivered.
She is incredibly articulate, verbose, rarely confused, devious, manipulative, and yet lonely, and at times a heartbroken and vulnerable child. There is no therapeutic help for her, other than drugs and activities and physical therapy. She requires invitations to activities, she won't initialize anything on her own, including hygiene. She is jealous of anyone receiving any care that she doesn't receive, including wanting people to stand by as she poops. Since the staff assists her roommate in the bathroom, she must have that too.
She is paying the consequences of all her poor decisions and refusals to be responsible, and I see little to nothing I can do to help. At some point, I must just let the state have control of her and give up, before she eats me alive, like a parasite that devours it's host. I am sad.