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JELdaughter Asked November 2021

My mother wears the same clothes for days. Are there techniques for helping her remember to bathe and put on clean clothes?

Beatty Nov 2021
Even if Mom is physically able, it sounds like she is no longer fully independent with the task of bathing/dressing 😔

Is Mom living with you or in her own place?

Assistance will be required. Even if living with you, as others have said, consider an aide 2 x week. It's amazing how folk will go along with a bathing routine for an aide they get used to (but arc up for family). Plus you can wear out...

If Mom is living alone, this is a great big warning sign that sequencing, short-term memory, judgement & planning have diminished (increasing safety concerns).

lealonnie1 Nov 2021
Watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube discussing techniques to help demented elders bathe and feel safe doing so. Your mother is going to need help and guidance with everything, so that includes putting her dirty clothes in the washing machine and dressing her in clean clothes daily, etc. Expecting her to do things of her own volition is a waste of energy. Bathing 2x a week is plenty, also, since you'll likely face a fight with that too. Pick up a copy of The 36 Hour Day which is a great reference book to answer a lot of your questions about how to handle certain situations.

Good luck!

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JELdaughter Nov 2021
Thank you, Lizbitty and Daughterof1930. It's actually nice to know that I am not alone in this. We just started with a new healthcare aide and will see how things go. Appreciate the quick response. --JELDaughter

Lizbitty Nov 2021
My MIL will only change her clothes if they’re dirty, and she can see that they’re dirty. Right now she’s worn the same shirt for weeks, but we haven’t been able to encourage her to change it. If you can, try helping her wash her hands, and get water on the sleeves. “Oops, Mom! Your sleeves are wet! Let’s go and change your shirt.” Then taken out a full change of clothes.

It’s not uncommon for the elderly to become nose blind, and don’t smell their own filth.

Agree with others that getting a PSW who specializes in bathing would probably be best, but do it ASAP. The longer they go without bathing, the less they’re likely to want to do it again.

Daughterof1930 Nov 2021
With dementia, sadly any method you put place will eventually be lost. She’s going to require ongoing guidance for both. You can restrict her access to clothing, leaving out only one option but that’s a lot of work on you. Bathing often becomes fearful, a bath aide may be helpful

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