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I'm looking for ideas about where to look for someone to give mom a shower at home. I've googled, I've yelped, I've used Agingcare of course and a place for mom. The handful of agencies around me have minimums of 2-6 hours and also a higher rate for those minimums. One even advertises no minimums and that they can do a 30 min visit, yet they told me it was a 3 hour minimum on the phone. So right now, it's looking like $100/shower. Is that just how much it costs?


I'm avoiding picking random people on CL. I tried asking a social worker but she suggested that I ask around people I know to see if they knew of anyone. I'm also thinking about dropping by the local senior center and asking them. Any other suggestions?


Alternatively, do nursing homes, AL facilities, etc offer shower services? Is that it a possibility that I can drive her there like an outpatient?

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Is there a reason you don’t bathe Her ? Is it a tub, shower ?
Is there a safety concern. Grab bars, chair non slip surfaces ?
There are 100$ reasons to do it yourself, self respect, closeness, and you get to know what’s going on on the body, sores, rashes, you never know what. Plus an intimacy, you can clean and massage necks, rub feet and check nails. Trim them, all soft an clean. Shampoos are very relaxing, take your time. There’s no shame in love.
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When my mum was mobile, I use to book a handicap room at Comfort Inn, about a mile from where we live. It was there that we took advantage of the handicap shower. My mum LOVED it! Afterwards, I would go get us some lunch. Although, we only used the room for about 3 hours, it was a wonderful outing for the two of us. And, side note, if I booked the room during the week, it cost me approximately $45. ;)
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The care available varies widely by area, but you might contact your Area Agency on Aging. There is a place here called NEMO(NorthEast Missouri) Senior Services. They provide us with a personal aide for 3 hours a week and only ask for a donation of $4.50/hour. She is not CNA but she can help with bathing and light house work. She's not qualified to do anything medical, but she is bonded and background checked.
The director told me that the program is partially covered by a grant from the Agency on Aging. That's why they only ask for a small donation. I feel really fortunate to have this available. Hopefully you will be able to find a similar program in your area.
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My mom cannot walk, only pivot. I found a large shower chair (sometimes called a bariatric chair) which extends outside the tub with 2 legs in and 2 legs out. (bought used for $5. I bought a 6-foot extension hose ($15 Menards) for the shower head. I put a chuck on the chair so she will not slip. I wheel her in the bathroom. we stand and pivot and sit on the chair. Now hoist her legs into the tub. She has a small tote with all her washing essentials. She loves it. She has her independence, I come in and wash her back, she can wash her privates and all is happy.
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Sounds like you need to put her in a nursing home since you can't handle bathing your own mom--just wait until she starts pooping in her pants -- she will require a LOT of showers to do a thorough cleaning (otherwise she can get urinary tract infections because stool gets up her private parts). I'm sorry for sounding blunt but it's the truth. When they start pooping in their pants somebody has to clean her and it sounds like you can't do that since you can't even shower her. Seriously get a social worker and put her in a nursing home. Unless you are very rich and can afford to keep around-the-clock workers in her/your home. Caregiving is VERY labor intensive, hard work and you hire people do not expect them to work for free. So get over your aversions and learn to bath her yourself or put her in a nursing home. If you have just a bathtub then you need to spend about $10,000 to get it ripped out and get a walk-in shower instead with metal grab bars installed properly ...been there, done that.  I spend about $100 a month on diapers, gloves, TONS of baby wipes, and ointments for butt care. Diapers are about 50-cents a piece and she goes through about 3 to 5 a day. Yes after she poops you have to clean her up. Alzheimer's is so bad, even when I put her on the toilet she gets preoccupied trying to grab everything around her she forgets to go to the bathroom, will refuse to go in the toilet and later go in her pants. So welcome to the world of caregiving. *My life savings is rapidly getting depleted because it costs me a fortune to take care of her* not to mention I can no longer work since she is a full-time job as she require 24-hour supervision and care. And the government is not going to help at all..unless you impound them in a nursing home after putting them on Medicaid. If she has assets you need to see an eldercare attorney and discuss spending all her monies on her care.  Needless to say since I'm not making money and spending my own money it is going to impact my own old age so I will become a burden to society when it is time for my old age because I literally scarified my life for my mom. I'll be homeless or end up in a nursing home. Oh well. Maybe the way things are going WW 3 will happen soon.  So it's a moot point.
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Corinna, in this context I think CL stands for Craigslist. If you are unfamiliar, it is a website for free classified ads.
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There are chairs that can slide from the outside of the tub to the inside of the tub. The chair attaches to the side of the tub. She sits down outside the tub, then slides into the tub, all while sitting down. Once inside the tub, there are shower hoses that are extra long, with the on/off close to the shower head for convenience. This might be sufficient for your mom?
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Although we haven't heard back from the OP so far, I wonder if the issue might be that her mother is too heavy for the OP to handle. Thus, she may be willing but unable to bathe her. Additional details of the situation would be helpful. I think the suggestion about using a handicapped room in a motel is an excellent example of "thinking outside the box".
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Wow this thread really blew up this morning. For 4 days it just sat there with no more responses after the first 3.

So to answer questions in the order I can remember them.

1) The reason you haven't "heard back from OP" is that this thread has been dead for 4 days. I'm not here 24/7 ready to respond within a few seconds of each post.

2) As I stated, there is no medical need. She can walk and talk and get into the shower just fine on her own. Regardless I have all the prerequisite equipment from shower chairs to a transfer bench. She doesn't need the transfer bench. The chair is a nice to have although she tends not to use it.

3) Why don't I do it myself? In a nutshell, she won't stand for it. Actually she can still physically shower herself. She does it every 2-3 weeks and otherwise washclothes herself. A RN and the care attendant have checked out her skin and said whatever she's doing is doing the job. There's nothing wrong with her skin. So what's the problem? Ideally they still think that she should still shower once a week. My brothers also have it in their heads that she needs to shower more. I'm not so sure about that. The care attendant says now she pretty much does everything herself, she just helps with drying off.

4) So if she can shower by herself what's the problem? The problem is that she doesn't do it regularly once a week. If I ask her to do it. It just makes her do it even less. But if someone shows up to help her, she'll at least go along with it. Well, at least for now. The novelty has kind of worn off and I've noticed she's getting more resistant to it.

JT private care sounds like exactly what I need. Even an hour is more than enough. Now if I can only find anything like that around me. I've reached out to various daycares and adult living places but I haven't heard back from them yet. I'll try to call again today.
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I thought this was supposed to be a forum to support others in a similar situation that you may be in. I find it appalling at the negative and nasty responses putting this person down because of the fact that she does not do personal hygiene for her mom. You have no right to judge anyone. It may be her mom that will not allow her to give her a shower. It does not matter what the reason, just because you find it so wonderful... (I will keep my comments to myself) does not give you the right to respond in such a horrible manner. Perhaps you should not be on a web site that is geared toward HELPING someone.
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