Mother has a myriad of health issues, mobility (or the lack thereof) being topmost.
She lives with YB, he chose this path and we other sibs jump in where we can and help. Still, 80% of her care falls to him.
I have been driving her to her beloved BINGO days at the Sr Center which is literally less than 5 minutes from her house. Just from 10 minutes in my car, her body odor is so profound and nasty I have to air out my car and practically saturate the seats with Febreze. Still, the odor lingers. (It comes primarily from her 'strap on' catheter bag which she is too cheap to replace.) She cannot clean them appropriately and so they always have a few ounces of old urine in them. Her apartment smells so bad if I go to visit her I won't sit in the apt for more than a few minutes. The smell is in deeply imbedded in everything.
OK--I can live with that--and her lies that she is showering 4 times a week when I know she hasn't showered in a month or more. (She refuses aides).
The other day she said she's had such a nice hot shower that morning..and so I went into the bathroom and there was a stone dry shower and towels. When you have COBWEBS in the shower, you know it's not being used.
This week is my niece's wedding. It will take place in a very small room--and mom's overhwhelming smell is GOING to be noticed. After the ceremony there is a family dinner, also in a smallish-room.
I'm not wanting to offend her in any way--but her smell is so bad---old urine, primarily. I KNOW she's not washing her privates,, she can't reach. Sometimes she has bowel incontinence and the depends just doesn't contain the smell.
What to do? Brother has 'spit bathed' her many times, but never done an 'undercarriage' wash, to my knowledge.
I do not see myself doing this--or even approaching her about it--but I think of my darling niece and I KNOW the smell will be very powerful and I do not want this long awaited wedding to be ruined b/c mom can't/won't wash.
Luckily she has a new dress to wear, so the smell has not permeated that.
She's nose-blind and so she cannot smell herself.
This is the first time in 2 years she has gone 'out' into the world and she is so excited. I am pre-embarassed for her.
I'm going to take her to a beauty shop on Tues to get a 'woman's haircut', YB has been taking her to a barber shop and her haircuts are awful. That I can do---this other...IDK.
Help! It may seem silly, but very likely the last time she'll see all the family in her life and I don't want it to be remembered that she smelled awful.