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VeronicaB Asked October 2021

My Dad had a stroke in March. Recovering well and wants to drive again. Failed Fit to Drive test in NJ. Moved to FL, wants me to not tell.

My Dad's recovery is miraculous. However, he failed the Fit to Drive test with next step 'behind the wheel' test with DMV. This was in NJ. Fast forward, move to Florida. He wants to get his FL license and not tell them he failed the test in NJ and not take the behind the wheel test. I have tried to reason with him about safety, etc. He need to establish residency to get his FL license - 6 months... so I've got a little time. Any ideas on how to persuade him to do what's right. He is doing so much better now, he might pass the behind the wheel test. I am not comfortable with him driving without passing that test.

MJ1929 Oct 2021
DO NOT have him on your insurance! You're opening yourself up to an unbelievable level of liability, especially if he decides to blow off the whole license thing and drive anyway. If he has a valid NJ license, he can drive now, so you're really taking a huge chance.

Aside from the obvious "you might kill a child" argument, Dad could lose everything in one good injury or wrongful death lawsuit. (So could you with him on your insurance.) Plus, if your insurance company finds out you've deceived them in any way, they won't cover you and will cancel your policy.

In short, it's your duty to inform Florida that Dad needs to be thoroughly tested before any license is issued, and his doctor should also be notified and asked to OK his driving (or not).

Countrymouse Oct 2021
You need to inform the FL licensing authorities yourself. Otherwise you will be a party to his very foolish course of action, which leaves you little choice: tell him if there's any corner cutting, you rat (proudly, with your head held high).

Tell him not to ruin his chances of resuming his normal life by going too fast too soon. If he does things by the book then God willing he'll be back on the road, legal, and above all safe for himself and others.
VeronicaB Oct 2021
You are right Countrymouse - I need to be the rat. LOL Thank you He is often going too fast too soon and then has a set back. Totally blames himself. I'll remind him of that.

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Taarna Oct 2021
This may sound harsh, but please consider reporting him to the police and DMV in Florida. Ask them to require he take the written test and behind the wheel test. If he can not pass in Florida, he will be safe and so will the other people on the road.
rovana Oct 2021
Thank you! Thank you! I believe you have saved some innocent lives. By all means report to the FL DMV. A driver's license is a privilege not a right and the safety of innocent people is truly more important than dad's feelings.
Charlie714 Oct 2021
When my Dad was alive he was legally blind but still thought he could drive. Because he could see shadows. I tried everything to persuade him to stop finally out of frustration I told him if he got in the car and drove again I would call the police and have him arrested for endangering the welfare of others. He didn’t speak yo me for a while but he never drove again.

DadsGurl Oct 2021
Idk if what my brother and I did was the best way to go about addressing that same situation, but we told Dad (who was 88 with AD) that his hip doctor (his most recent surgery at that time) forbid him from driving and was unable to change that due to state regulations. Dad was really chapped and demoralized b/c it’s a huge loss of independence, but he accepted it. Neither I nor my brother wanted to be the bad guy. We remained supportive and showed Dad other means available to get places. He wasn’t thrilled, but accepted it. We also sold his car so he could get top dollar for it- or that’s what we told him to make that happen. Dad always wanted to get a good deal! A bit deceitful, but necessary. Dad couldn’t look backward, wasn’t aware like he should be and was to the point of endangering himself & others behind the wheel. At that point it’s not about feelings, it’s about responsibility and safety! Good luck!!

Patti2021 Oct 2021
My answer may not be popular but :
Think hungry lawyers. If there is any accident, injury or death caused by the driver there is any number of hungry lawyers waiting to empty all your savings, and all your / his estate in a wrongful injury death suit.
Once they search all driving records and DMV records they will subpeonea his past medical and driving records to present their clients need to the jury for deliberation. If he has a failed test and a good lawyers finds it you're done. They can sue to take all he has. And may find you negligent.
Check with your family attorney asap.

CTTN55 Oct 2021
You certainly have your hands full. From your profile, you state that you moved your parents into your home 6 months ago. How is that working out?

You've gotten great advice from others about NOT allowing your father to get a FL license and to take him OFF your insurance.

I hope you didn't give up a job to be the fulltime caregiver for your parents!

Vjg6727 Oct 2021
Take away the keys and get rid of his car. End of story.

SLEEPER911 Oct 2021
Tell Fl. about the N.J. test. This is not about him "wanting to drive", but public safety. How will you feel if an accident occurs, and someone dies...???

Firstof5 Oct 2021
My mom couldn't drive safely and ran into another car. The officer who took the report didn't realize how bad her eyesight is so she only got a ticket.

I told my mom I wouldn't help her find a new car and I loved her enough to let her be mad at me. Yes it was hard for her to give up driving. It would be even harder if she actually killed anyone.

We helped get senior transportation through the county where she lived and a local charity offered her rides to the store and doctor appointments,

She got over being mad at me quickly because she realized that if she was rude to me, I wouldn't be around.

You can contact the DMV in Florida and explain what happened in NJ. Also make sure all of his medical providers know about it. If he tries to get an exemption from them, they will be liable for damages and won't want to have that happen. You don't have to tell him that you are doing this.

Also, doctors may not be able to tell you anything because of privacy laws, but they can listen to what you tell them.

If he asks you to help him get a car or a license, say no. If he can't do it on his own, then he isn't capable of driving either.

It will help him, if you acknowledge how difficult this is for him and that you will help him get alternate transportation.

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