My mother insists in driving her car. How can I stop her from obsessing over this?

Roger ,

Call the County Area of Aging TODAY for the county your mother lives in . Tell them you are burned out and you need to go back to your own home and your mother lives alone and she can’t . Ask them to please send out a social worker to the home to assist with placement . This is how I got my mother out of her home.

DO IT !!

If this doesn’t work then leave the home and call APS.

This may sound drastic but life is messy and tragic at times. Rip the bandaid off fast , get it done . Dementia is an awful disease . It has tentacles that strangle the caregiver. You are burned out , get Mom placed.

Take the car out of sight , off the property . If necessary get it towed away . Tell her it’s broken .

Everyday you have a new issue needing help.

Please go to your Mother's Doctor & tell him/her you cannot cope.

Just read the comments and felt the need to comment.

Not everyone is a caregiver. I wasn't. I placed my Mom in a nice AL and later when the money ran out, a nice LTC with Medicaid paying. Denentia is hard to understand and to deal with. Its so unpredictable and the person has no idea they have it. So, they forget they are old and can't do anymore. They try to drive because they think they can. You telling them why they can't literally goes in one ear and out the other. They can forget what u say in a minute.

You may need to make the decision to place Mom.

Get rid of the car. Line up an Uber for her to get her hair done.

You are clearly over your head in dealing with her, time to move on, regain your life.

Roger, in all these little mini-updates you give us I, in all my senior-moment-glory cannot even remember if your mom is actually diagnosed with dementia?
Is she?

We have so very many posts about the car dilemma. I know you are often here and will have read them. There seems no really good answer other than reporting in person to DMV. Sadly, in most cases this isn't stopping seniors. We ourselves have half the time been at war with one another over just who is responsible for these lethal weapons that incompetent drivers are on our roads, and what is to be done about it.

I still don't know if you are staying with mom or going, if you are going to be guardian or POA or what rights you actually have to intervene. Me, I am trying to get that car out of there. But not at the risk of her calling the cops and saying I stole it.

Wish I had an answer. But like most of your issues with your mom, other than placement and your moving away about 1,000 miles distant, I just don't have an answer.

I contacted the DMV and explained my mom's dementia. They sent her a letter to report for a driver evaluation. She refused to attend the appointment so her license was taken away. I then sold the vehicle. Once she knew they took it away, she didn't argue about me taking her to run errands. Sometimes I would take her with me to run my errands to get her out of the house.

I had a Great aunt who would call the ambulance to take her to the hairdresser . My relatives got fed up and Placed her into assisted Living . She had been In a wheel chair but for some reason once she got there and finally got Out of bed she could walk , make friends and had a gentleman caller . Best to get rid of the car . Grab the Keys and Like Misery says " have the car towed " other wise she will get Hurt or Kill someone .

I agree that you will need to physically remove her car. You will need to come up with a therapeutic fib to tell her or she will continue to obsess over it. Something like: it has a transmission problem and is way too expensive to fix so it will be in the shop for a long time or let me help you sell it. I would then contact the DMV for her area (or go online) and report her as an unsafe driver. Depending on the state they will send her a letter instructing her to come in for a re-test of some sort. Don't tell her about the appointment. Don't take her to it. Just let her license lapse and cancel her car insurance then do whatever with the car.

Surrendering driving is often very emotional and profound -- and difficult for the family that is managing this. Spend some extra time with her to help her get over the hump, take her anywhere she wants to go, ask other family, friends, neighbors to take her on errands for a while. Is your Mom on anything for anxiety? If not, maybe consider speaking with her doctor about this option.

You have 33 posts in your following. Some maybe posts you made or posts you responded to. Too many for us to go thru to remind us what your situation with Mom is. It would be a big help if u filled out your profile. How old is Mom, living on her own, living with you, you with her or iscshe in LTC or an AL. A little about yourself.

I will assume Mom is in her home. I will assume Dementia is present. As such, she should not be driving her car or living alone. If you have POA sell the car. Out of site, out of mind. If not, park it at your house, if u have one, or ask a friend to keep it for you. You need to get it out of her sight. Then when she asks where it is, tell her its in the shop for a tune up. Everytime she asks, its still being worked on.

Our neighbor had her Mom, suffered from ALZ, living with her and her Moms car sitting at the top of their driveway. They told her she was too old to drive. Her response "I know lots of old women who drive". I told them, get rid of the car. They did.

If your Mom has Dementia it will worsen. She can no longer make informed decisions about her life. You now have to make those decisions. You sort of become the adult and her the child. You will also become the badguy. Its what it is.