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celden Asked October 2021

Disconnect between mind and body?

Let's start with my father's current diagnosis. He is 92 with moderate vascular dementia. My mother passed away several months ago and he is quite depressed over her passing. Every few days he asks where she is, but then he will remember. My father is also on hospice care.
About 3 weeks ago he was having trouble with his catheter and was diagnosed with an UTI. He was treated with antibiotics and the infection cleared up a couple of weeks ago.
However, now he says he cannot move his legs and they do not hold his weight. Additionally, he no longer seems connected between his mind and his body. He cannot even lift an arm without a prompt to do so. I have to demonstrate to him how to use his arms and hands to help himself get more comfortable. Otherwise, he simply calls for help and says he is needs someone to make him comfortable. I will put on the TV for him and he only look at it, not looking up at me or down at the food before him. He will operate as if blind to all but the TV.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions for how to get him to 're-connect'?

lealonnie1 Oct 2021
A UTI at 92 with dementia already in force can cause a swift cognitive and physical decline, which is likely what you're seeing. Add to that his wife's recent passing and the ensuing depression every time he realizes it, and what you're seeing is your father inching closer to his own transition, I believe. Every time there's a health or emotional episode for an elder with dementia, it creates another decline for them until they reach a point where they simply cannot recover. I have a friend who's mother was 94, caught a simple cold and wound up passing away a week or 10 days later once her blood pressure dropped along with her oxygen level. My own father went on hospice care, developed a UTI, got in bed and never got back out. He wound up passing 19 days later.

I don't think your dad necessarily wants to 'reconnect'. Let him be as he is and enjoy whatever time he has left to live. Hospice nurses can likely guide you accordingly and let you know how they feel he's doing. My mother is almost 95 with pretty advanced dementia and cannot take cues or prompts anymore at all; she simply cannot comprehend what I'm saying to her; she hears me, but can't follow the language I'm using, so instructions become useless, you know?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and what you're now experiencing with your dad. It sometimes happens that a spouse can't function once they lose their loved one and they depart soon afterward. Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace during this difficult time.
celden Oct 2021
Thank you. I believe you right. It is hard to watch and not be able to help,
Taarna Oct 2021
Please ask for a new evaluation by his neurologist. A major change in behavior is concerning.
celden Oct 2021
This is not really an option since he is under hospice care.

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InkySpotz4u Oct 2021
Go to INTEGRATIVE MEDICINE ( treat the whole body )at UCLA.edu Also see information from Dr. David Ruben professor/director/dept chair ALZ , DEMENTIA , Memory care, Behavioral Health..UCLA is ranked 4th in the country in overall health care.

GardenArtist Oct 2021
Celden, my father experienced this, the lessening of ability to  move his legs, as he inched closer to death.   And as death closed in, he was progressively less able to move at all.

I don't know whether or not he knew of these movement restrictions; he never mentioned it, but his communications gradually ceased as well.

I think your husband's movement limitations, w/or without prompting, are reflecting his progression toward end of life.

But, if I were you, I would ask one of the hospice nurses, or the hospice physician.  I'm sure they've seen this before, and could give you more insightful advice.

Geaton777 Oct 2021
Your profile states that your father is "... living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, incontinence, osteoporosis, parkinson's disease, stroke, urinary tract infection, and vision problems."

He is under hospice care, so what prognosis does his doctor give him? If he does have all the health problems you listed (not the least of which is Parkinsons), I really can't imagine him "improving" enough to re-connect. He may also be depressed, and understandably so. It is often very shocking how suddenly and fast an LO can decline on all fronts. I think having tempered expectations will be helpful to both of you. Are you his MPoA? Does he have a Living Will or Advance Health Care Directive? I wish you much clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you continue on this journey with him. Others on this forum with more specific experience with your question can provide helpful answers.

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