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tryingmybest8 Asked August 2021

Pet therapy? How can I fix this situation?

My 98 year old Mom lives in a pet free senior apartment. Unfortunately the owners refuse to allow any visiting dogs or cats under any circumstances. I never would have suggested this place if I’d known how heartbreaking it is for Mom. There was a stray cat visiting her for a while before they captured it and took it away. Mom hates her place, hasn’t left her room since 2019, and says she’s too old and has given up. She refuses to come out to the parking lot to visit my dog and won’t move. A visiting dog would make a world of difference to her. How can the owners be so cruel?? I’ve asked to just bring my dog in and out through the patio door so as not to be problem for other residents. No luck, they refuse to let me even take my dog (or any animal) out of my car. How can I fix this situation? Doctor says she can’t write a prescription for a therapy dog.

ElizabethY Aug 2021
Hi,
Could you take her once a week to volunteer at the local SPCA or a rescue? They often look for people to help them socialize the animals. Or even Petsmart-- Our local rescue's always looking for people to go visit the animals there and they do sign ups to feed them. Could she go walking with you and your dog -is there a park nearby?
If it would add a lot of value to her life, would you move her to somewhere that allowed pets?

NeedHelpWithMom Aug 2021
This is so sad. The assisted living facilities and nursing homes in my area have designated ‘visits with pets’ days. There are therapy dogs who attend, as well as the local ASPCA that participates in bringing adorable dogs to visit. The animals love the attention and the seniors adore the dogs.

I am sorry that your mom doesn’t get to see any pets. I agree with you. It does cheer them up. I hope your mom’s facility will consider changing the rules.

I wonder if this was always the rule there or if they had visits before and something happened? Maybe a dog bit a resident or had an accident. Have you asked if they ever allowed visits?

Have you presented the administrator with any documentation regarding how uplifting it is for residents to receive visits from pets? Have other residents complained about this rule? Do you think they would consider allowing visiting pets if a significant amount of residents requested it?

Best wishes to you and your mom.

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Isthisrealyreal Aug 2021
TMB, you could get your dog certified as a service dog and then by Federal law, the owners cannot refuse you to bring your service dog with you.

Probably won't work, as you have tried to persuade them to allow visits but, you could try. Have your doctor give you a prescription for a service dog.

Is it possible to move your mom to a different location, maybe AL? That is what I would be checking into so she could have furry friendly visits and some care and help with meals and cleaning.

Best of luck finding a solution to this situation.

So you know, not many places refuse animal visits. I could take my dads dog to visit him in rehab, I could even leave her there for several hours as long as I had her shot records and she wasn't disruptive by barking. Many people benefited from visits when I brought her in. Try to find some place where mom can live the life she wants.
tryingmybest8 Aug 2021
I’m not sure if I could qualify to bring a service dog with me. I’ll check that out, thanks!
AnnReid Aug 2021
Do you think you could sneak in a couple of bird feeders that could be suspended in her window?

DH and I SWEAR that some of our birdies are getting to know us, but ANY of the little sparrows and chickadees and if you’re lucky, GOLDFINCHES can really put on a show.

Another alternative could be a good fishbowl with a coupe tiny neons, also ADORABLE TO WATCH. They are only about an inch or so long, so the fishbowl itself wouldn’t have to be huge.

You’d want a filter and all the necessities for keeping the little critters healthy.

Hopefully “You can’t pet ‘em, but you STILL CAN’T FORGET ‘EM”!
tryingmybest8 Aug 2021
She does have a pet parakeet that she takes care of all by herself. Cleaning his cage, feeding , and giving him water. Sadly he doesn’t talk although she’s tried everything to get him to :)
BarbBrooklyn Aug 2021
Why can't her doc write a script for a therapy dog?
tryingmybest8 Aug 2021
I don’t know that Mom’s doctors can’t, but they won’t. She’s asked my family doctor and her geriatrician, and both wanted to give her anti depression drugs instead. She tried but didn’t like them or the idea of taking drugs. She currently only takes vitamins.
Midkid58 Aug 2021
I would not say that we don't care about our elderly LOs feelings. It's just so very hard when they have lived long lives and have no desire to keep on living in old, pain riddled bodies and be expected to be happy! smile! make the best of it!

I'm rehabbing from a major foot surgery and after 12 days in bed, I'm ready to throw in the towel and I know I'm getting better and will be fine. But the DEPRESSION sets in when you cannot do what you want and there seems to be no joy in anything.

AS far as the pet thing--well, that's so sad, but many places do not allow pets, as there are often people who cannot be around animals at all. Also, elderly people struggle with caring for their pets. My mom has 2 birds and she can't do anything more than pour seeds into their dish. Do they bring her joy? Yes, but she also wouldn't notice if we replaced those live birds with fake ones.

I've seen advertised the 'motor kitty' (for lack of a better description)--a very realistic cat that has batteries in it that make it purr and move a little. Actually, come to think of it, my g-daughter had one as a toy and it was scary how real it seemed. In my mind, that thing was SO realistic!

It's not a real cat, but it did fill my g-daughters want to have a cat and her very allergic mom was not affected by it.

I know it seems so mean to not allow a senior to have a pet, but it adds to the total burden of elder care, for one, and it's not really fair or kind to the animal.
BarbBrooklyn Aug 2021
SOOO happy to see you back!!!
vegaslady Aug 2021
How about one of the mechanical or electronic pets, or even a stuffed animal? You sound like you think a pet will solve some problems, but it might be that your expectations are too high. Don't butt your head against a wall that won't fall. You knew it was pet free at the start. Maybe you can find something else that would be more appropriate like cat videos on cable TV YouTube. If she hasn't been out of her apartment in years how is she getting medical care?
tryingmybest8 Aug 2021
We have been doing virtual visits with her doctor. My sister and I have been checking blood pressure daily and making sure she has no issues. She doesn’t have many health issues, doesn’t take medications. She is adamant about living on her own but we’ve had a home healthcare agency come in and access the situation. She lost my Dad in 2015, then her dog passed shortly after. She moved near us in 2018 but her desire to be near animals has only increased. I didn’t realize how much it meant to her when we moved her nearby. She’s pretty much given up on life, I just wish there were something I could do. I live near a little girl who was dying of cancer. The whole area came out in droves to help this girl who loved dogs - Emma Mertens. It’s depressing to see how little we care about the feelings of the elderly.

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