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DayToy Asked July 2021

How do I deal with my parent that always blames me for past mistakes and doesn't trust me?

I have a 51 year old mom. When I was a teen I didn't really like to clean my room and I would eat in there too and out of laziness I'd also like to hoard plates in there sometimes, but I've grown up and cleaned myself up, but now my mom as her memory gets worse she keeps blaming me for not finding any plates or just anything really cause when I was a kid I used to take her stuff to act mature in school and now whenever her stuff is missing she always blames me, but it's not all my fault she likes to clean and when she clean she place things differently and she forgets! Sometimes when she really can't find one thing she needs urgently she barges into my bedroom and forcefully looks through my room while yelling at me. Whenever she lost anything the first thing she thinks is me! It's been years since I haven't done that yet she still doesn't trust me at all! It may be her menopause but I just don't know what to do with her anger issue, and when I find something for her she still doesn't believe me and says I still stole it from her, I've even recorded how I find her stuff, I really don't know what to do with her issues. I'm tired of her hurtful words I've had some break downs too.

JoAnn29 Jul 2021
What Mom is doing is not normal. What you did was normal for a child. You call that mistakes? I can tell u some stories about my daughter that outshine your "mistakes".

Yes, some woman "lose it" during menopause. Your Mom needs to see her doctor. Her hormones maybe way off. Having a full lab done wouldn't hurt.

Daughterof1930 Jul 2021
Is your mother actually diagnosed with a dementia or have a history of mental illness? Does she function independently? I think the best idea is to move out and help her from an emotionally safe distance

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funkygrandma59 Jul 2021
You deal with her, by getting out of the house and getting a place of your own. Surely you have some friends that are looking for a roommate. Your mom is very young. I doubt that she has any dementia going on. You are old enough to be out on your own, so if you choose to stay and put up with her nonsense, then that is on you. Sounds like it's time for you to grow up and get a life away from mom.

NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2021
Oh gosh, nothing like having the past thrown in your face. That is irritating.

Your profile says that you are caring for your mom. You are 21. Is that correct? What do you do for your mom? Does she have serious health problems?

Do you work? Do you attend a university? Tell us more details.

gladimhere Jul 2021
How old are you now? Is it time to begin building your life, supporting yourself, go to school, get a job, and move out of mom's house?

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