I'm the only family member left to care for my 94 year old dad with dementia. What are my options?

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Lynnie7 Asked June 2021

I'm the only family member left to care for my 94 year old dad with dementia. What are my options?

Dad is still at home with my step-mother who is 86, but it's getting to be almost too much for her. I'm his only child and the only family he has left and I'm in a different state. If something should happen to her I would bring him to Florida and he would need to go into a memory care facility. My biggest fear is if something would happen to me, my dad has no one. What are my options to arrange for someone to oversee my father's care and make decisions on his behalf with no other family left?

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score 1 · Answer 1

Your father would, at worst, become a ward of the state, and be assigned a professional fiduciary to handle his affairs.

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I'm aware of this and what I intend to not have happen. My dad becoming a ward of the state gives me chills! I won't allow that to be his destiny.

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score 1 · Answer 2

If its getting too much for her than why does she not place him. Both go into an AL together. At 86, I don't think I would want to pack up and move.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Call Council on Aging in your area. Also, contact a social worker to help plan for future care.

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score 0 · Answer 4

What are the current arrangements for someone to oversee your father's care and make decisions on his behalf? Does your stepmother have power of attorney for him? Have you talked to her about contingency planning?

Getting to be almost too much for her - ! I should think it might well be. Are you on good, friendly terms with her?

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score 1 · Answer 5

Would you consider trying to encourage them to move to Florida now, so you can help them before a crisis strikes and so that they have more control in the situation? If something were to happen to you, he would need a guardian since you hint that he is a MC candidate, so PoA is out of the question. I have heard that some facilities have guardianship of residents. There are "professional" guardians too, like Lutheran Social Services (here in my state, MN).

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Been there done that, them moving to Florida would be the ideal situation. But Paulette's daughter lives just down the block from them and her grandchildren are there so no way she would move to Florida.

Both I and Paulette have POA for my dad and there is no better person than Paulette. Actually, she is not my step-mom (although that is how I think of her) but they have been together for over 40 years so it's just like they are married. I trust Paulette 150% with everything. We have a home health care aid coming in 3 afternoons a week for 4 hours to give Paulette some down time and help with things in the house and dad.

If something should happen to her, I would bring my dad here to Florida but I would need to place him in a memory care facility. I know I could not have him live with me and care for him 24/7.

My concern then is, if something would happen to me, I want to set up either some type of guardian or advocate to oversee his care and end of life arrangements. Your suggestion of Social Services is excellent and I'll explore that. Thanks!

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I'm the only family member left to care for my 94 year old dad with dementia. What are my options?

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