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nature73 Asked February 2021

Changing facilities, thoughts?

Not sure if this has been addressed before. My dad is 94 & has been in MC due to vascular dementia. Like many others, he is not happy there. He's fairly high functioning but knows his mind is far from what it used to be. He has told me that most of the staff do not care & are always in a hurry & can't help him at that moment. And "they say they'll come back in a few minutes, but they never do." I know he may be exaggerating. But he's also lost about 10 pounds from his already thin frame & I think he's worn clothes that aren't his. I had to ASK for a care conference in December. I met with the Executive Director & the head nurse. Not wanting to anger anyone, I just asked if they are having any trouble working with him. I was assured that everything was OK & that they had gotten rid of some staff & hired ones that were more caring.


But he still complains. I'm thinking of moving him to a different facility that seems more understanding & in tune with the residents. I've toured it twice & was impressed, but I know how these places can put on a good show. Problem is, the rent is almost twice what he's paying now. Fortunately, he planned ahead & also has LTC insurance that is paying about 65% of the current rent. He has decent income & savings.


I'm considering moving him so that he could be better monitored. Regular care conferences are part of their operation. But I'm concerned about 2 things: 1) in general, how do residents react when moving from one facility to another; & 2) knowing it's a crap shoot, what are the chances he would be more content in the new place? I guess I just need to know the experiences others have had in this situation. BTW, he tends to look on the negative side of things. Also, I can't get in to see his apartment due to Covid. I can only go on what he tells me. Thoughts?

Grandma1954 Feb 2021
I doubt anyone is "happy" placed in Memory Care, Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing.
ALL facilities should have scheduled care conferences where they go over a care plan.
I am sure there are plenty of times when staff says..."I will be right back" and stuff happens. Someone needs to be changed or cleaned up, a family member calls about another resident, staff has to go get the actual aide that is assigned to your dad, and the list goes on. Your dad's sense of time may be skewed as well.
If you do transfer him he will probably decline.
He will be confused.
Staff and he will have an adjustment time when they get to know each other.
And chances are he will not be "happy"
Spring is around the corner and facilities should allow residents out to get some fresh air. Days are getting longer that should improve everyone's disposition. With luck and more people getting vaccinated ask the facility if and when they will relax visitation restrictions.

AlvaDeer Feb 2021
I don't know many Memory Care patients who are happy with being in memory care. But you are unhappy with your facility, Dad has the choice, and you think you will be happier at the new one for him. I think that there is no reason not to move him then. I suspect you will hear the same litany of complaints, but your Dad has provided choice for himself, for you as his representative; I can't see any reason not to give it a try given you are not happy and feel there is some chance for change. What have you to lose here really? I doubt he will be MORE unhappy, though there may be a little period of adjustment. You say he is fairly high functioning. Why not discuss this move with him, and then decide.

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