Was on the forum a month or so ago while I was considering taking care of my wife of 62 years at home rather than a Memory Care Facility and felt I got some very good advise from the people on this forum and as a result I DID keep her in the Memory Care which, I did then and still do, think was the best choice. However, different problems have arisen and could use some input on the latest decisions I may have to take.
Along with the dementia there were and still are anger problems that are yet to be resolved. The initial problems started at home and raised to the level of physical activity on her part against me. This resulted in a 911 call and her being taken to the hospital where she remained for 10 days, sometimes under constraint, while they tried to adjust her meds. When all seemed right she was released back to the Memory Care facility and for a few weeks it seemed all right but on New Years Eve she lashed out again and struck one of the staff who was attempting to work with her. Bingo-Another trip to the hospital for a 3 day stay and most recently a week or so ago she got into a fight with one of the other patients and went back to the hospital but not kept overnight as all of her vitals were OK and no UTI.
I've asked the facility if this continues will they kick her out and they have assured me that that won't happen. They will continue to work with our Personal Physician to find the right medications to calm her down. I feel a certain amount of responsibility for her actions as she holds me responsible for her being in Memory Care and during my visits with her the reoccurring theme is, "Get Me Out of Here, Please. You put me in here and you are the only one that can get me out.". She seems so helpless and dismayed that it never fails to bring me to tears not only when I am there but thinking about it at home all the time. I know from my previous post that I will get a lot of advise that this is just part of the agony of Dementia working on all sides of those involved and I have no problem with the validity of that.
The other thing I'm dealing with is the fact that this is a fairly new Facility, only two years old, and although it is very well furnished and a nice place to visit I'm not really confident in the personnel. Many seem ill trained and I don't think she is getting the proper care, especially with her incontinence, as it is obvious on my visits that she has not had the proper attention.
I have since found another facility that I think would be much better for her and If I were to move her now she would be able to get her first Covid vaccination on the 31st of this month and I don't know when she would get the vaccination where she is at now as it hasn't been scheduled. The tradeoff is that where she is at now I have personal contact where I can hug and console her which seems to have a calming affect whereas, at the other facility all communication for the time being is through Zoom and I know that would not be very satisfactory to her despair and anger. The other problem is the necessity of giving a 30 day notice to the current facility before moving her or having to pay for the remaining time whether used or not and I don't know if by informing the facility that she is moving would result in less than satisfactory treatment of her needs. The facility being considered has indicated that they might give allowance to what I might lose in not staying for the required 30 days in the current Memory Care.
Just not sure which way to move.