Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
P
penniesforlove Asked January 2021

All my mother does is complain. What do I do?

My mother lives in our guest house and is not grateful for anything and complains all the time, what should I do?


freqflyer Jan 2021
penniesforlove, the best thing to do is just agree :)

ADVERTISEMENT


NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2021
I am sorry that she complains all the time.

Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon.

My mom wasn’t a huge complainer when I was young.

She liked things a certain way but I don’t remember nonstop complaining until much later when I became her full time caregiver.

It is exhausting after awhile. Try to tune it out (easier said than done) as much as possible. Don’t give her ammunition to argue about.

Nod and say yes! Hehe, she can’t argue with that! Just acknowledge her statement.

You don’t necessarily have to agree in your heart but she will feel heard and you keep your sanity!

penniesforlove Jan 2021
No she does not live with me she lives next door.
she does not have Alzheimer’s but she has beginning dementia.
she complains about the weather she complains about not being able to see the doctor then when she has a doctors appointment she doesn’t want to go she complains about the president she complains about the food she complains about her house you name it.
she was never like this growing up thank goodness she raised me perfectly as I see it so I want to care for her so she doesn’t have to be in a home and I will never have to worry about someone hurting her.
she has a beautiful life here and so do I I just wish she could see it I just tell her to pray I wrote her a gratitude list for her to read every day and be grateful. I don’t charge her anything to live in my other house. My other sibling wants nothing to do with taking care of her so I will continue to do it because she was so good to me as I was growing up.

lealonnie1 Jan 2021
Cut down your contact with her, one way or another. It's the only way to save YOUR sanity, and with just a header, no details and no info in your profile, that's the best answer I can give you.

Geaton777 Jan 2021
I'm not trying to make light of your situation (and my mother was and still is a world champion complainer) but it always makes me think of this poem I used to read to my kids from a Shel Silverstein book...

COMPLAININ' JACK
 
This morning my old jack-in-the-box
Popped out—and wouldn't get back-in-the-box.
he cried, "Hey, there's a tack-in-the-box!
And it's cutting me through and through!

There also is a crack-in-the-box!
And I never find a snack-in-the-box!
And sometimes I hear a quack-in-the-box,
'Cause a duck lives in here too!"

Complain, complain is all he did—
I finally had to close the lid.

I'm with the others who replied to say you must "close the lid" by walking away, ignoring her, putting in ear buds or abruptly changing the subject every time she complains or talks negatively. Years ago I told my mother that her constant complaining and negativity sucked the oxygen out of a room. She took offense to that. I wish you success in dealing with it.
penniesforlove Jan 2021
Oh it’s good to know that we all go through it your answer really help thank you so much
BurntCaregiver Jan 2021
Ignore her. Walk away. That's what I do.
Many times the complaining is the first step in fight-picking. Your mother (like so many other elders including my own) want to fight because they want someone to take their anger and boredom out on, along with a justifiable excuse to bully and behave abusively. So, if you behave like a human being with human emotions and respond to the instigating then you give them a fight. The elder then will very likely go around telling anyone who will listen what a terrible and vicious monster you are and everyone will think you're the biggest a-hole in the world. I don't know if your mother is like mine, but I have a continuous complainer too who also loves pity and sympathy. Nothing she loves more than making me look like a horrible monster who treats a poor, disabled senior so terribly. Just ignore her. Don't give her a fight. I found that when the complaining starts if you walk away and ignore them, they start to let up.
penniesforlove Jan 2021
Thank you so much your answer really helped
funkygrandma59 Jan 2021
Do you live with her? Does she have dementia or Alzheimer's? You've not given us much to go on. Lots of people complain. If you live with her,(and even if you don't) and don't like her complaining, leave the room or the house to get away. Just tell her that you really don't want to hear it anymore, and when she has something positive to say, you will return. You can set boundaries, about what you will tolerate, and what you won't. You have that choice. Best wishes.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter