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EJHudz58 Asked January 2021

Mom passed a week ago today. My Pop couldn't be at the hospital due to COVID (NH on lockdown). How do I help when I can't be there much?

My 83 y/o pop has told the staff he wants to leave and step in front of a truck. His grief is hard. He has some dementia and I can't go see him but twice a week for 30 min. each time due to covid. I can't go into their room and he is having a rough time with all her things being there. I worry that if the staff goes in to box things up (I can't afford a private room for him, it was tough paying for both of them) I'm worried about him and the grief he has. They are checking on him every 15 minutes right now. I guess my question is, how do I help him when I can't be there much for him? ('essential' family must get a covid test every two weeks to be able to see the resident in the dining room only) He can't remember how to use his phone so when I call he doesn't answer. He will occasionally be allowed to come to the nursing station in his hall to call me, right now he just cries and wants to go home (to a home we had to sell last year to cover mom's care, he doesn't remember we put it up for sale, and I hate to keep reminding him) I'm just at a loss.

funkygrandma59 Jan 2021
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. You are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place, in that you can't properly mourn your mom's death, when you are so worried about your dad, and his grieving. It's not easy losing a spouse at any age, but when a couple has been together for the better part of their lives, it tends to be harder to accept. There are no easy answers here, and this stupid Covid, certainly doesn't help matters any. I'm glad to hear that the staff is checking on him frequently, as he needs people around him now. It's only been a week, so give yourself and your dad time to grieve. You both deserve that much.

MJ1929 Jan 2021
If I was you, I'd ask the nursing home if you can have more frequent visits to help him get through his grief. If they allow two per week, there's really no good reason why they can't allow more under special circumstances.

Poor guy -- my heart just breaks for him.

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