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Irie210 Asked December 2020

What to do with a grandparent who refuses to enter a nursing home or leave home at all?

Hi. My situation is complex and I seek to give a quick summary. Can give details if someone needs more info. I hope someone who knows elder care law in NEW YORK can comment.


My grandparents have been financially separated for years now. My house‘s asset protection will be outside the 5 year medicaid look back come next year. This is a house that my grandfather has refused to pay bills in for 6+ years. He is financially abusive and this has worsened with his Alzheimer’s. I fear for my grandmother's physical and emotional safety. We have been told that getting guardianship may be hard because although he is declining he still drives, and it would be hard to prove he can’t cook for himself. He gets by okay but would deny forgetting ANY basic skills. However he literally can’t remember a conversation for more than 5 minutes. Our doctor has not taken away driving privileges because he would stop going to any doctor at all if he did that. He has had no accidents.


My mom and I have mentioned that my grandfather should live elsewhere since he refuses to pay bills here. This has been met with threats and refusal. There is a second property where he can go that is still in the family. He would not be charged anywhere near regular rent. Just utilities. We know we could get state aid for him too.


3 QUESTIONS


A: can we force him to live elsewhere without guardianship? B: if he does live on his own, what would have to happen to make the state force him into a nursing home? We would like to avoid this. C: is it best to let adult protective services advocate for my grandmothers safety in court, stating our case that he needs to leave?

AlvaDeer Dec 2020
Since this property is owned by the grandparents and the grandfather has not been deemed to be incompetent, even by his doctor, it may be well for you all to move on with you lives, get your own homes, apartments, etc. and let nature take its course.

Irie210 Dec 2020
Hi. The house is in my grandpas and grandmas name. Thank you all for your insight

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LivingSouth Dec 2020
You need to know what my dad's doctor told us - if he causes an accident driving, the family estate can be sued - and even the kids if they can prove that you KNEW he was diminished mentally.
AlvaDeer Dec 2020
This man has been to a doctor who has NOT judged him incompetent to drive. The kids cannot be sued because they think he is not a good driver. He is still considered a competent adult until he is not. So yes, he and his estate can be sued for an accident; hopefully there is great insurance including umbrella insurance. But the children in this case cannot. That is to say, ANYONE can sue ANYONE for ANYTHING, but such a case would not be won.
JoAnn29 Dec 2020
My question, whose name is on the deed to the house? Because if yours, I don't understand how Medicaid would be involved. Unless you will need to prove that the house was your grandparents and it was turned over to you over 5 years ago.

Grandpa needs a neurologist but I doubt he will go. You just may have to wait for an incident, like he physically threatens someone. Then you call the police and ask for a 72 hour evaluation. You can then refuse to allow him to return. Saying he is a danger.

But, to answer your question we really need to know who legally owns the house. Because if the grands are on the deed, you cannot evict grandpa.

AlvaDeer Dec 2020
I don't really understand any of the above housing information, neither who owns the houses nor who lives in them, but I can tell you that there is no getting guardianship for an elder who is competent to make his or her own decisions. Courts do not like to take an elders rights away from him, or the rights in fact of any citizen. So that is pretty much out. Your grandfather has no diagnosis of dementia or incompetency. That pretty much means that if a home is his he can live in it. If others don't wish to live with him they will likely have to move. I hope you can figure out a housing arrangement that works for all. Wishing you best of luck.

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