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abunkw630k Asked November 2020

My sister is the caregiver for my handicapped mother. I would like to send her a check. Can anyone advise me on how to start my note?

Midkid58 Nov 2020
You ANGEL!!!

I doubt that you'd even need to write a note, but that is up to you.

Just express what is in your heart and she will get the message.

I give my kids a crisp new $100 bill for their birthdays--years ago that meant something to them--but I always wrote in the card "To be spent unwisely"...now if I forget that, they call me and say "Do I have to spend this wisely?" It's a family joke--esp as all 5 of them make far more money that DH and I do.

I would hope that she would spend this money 'unwisely' meaning, NOT on bills, but on herself. However, if paying down a bill brought her joy, I wouldn't fuss.

There should be about 2,000,000 more people like you out there!

AlvaDeer Nov 2020
"Sis, I love you. I can't believe all you are doing for Mom and I worry I cannot help more, cannot be there more. I just worry about YOU. Could you please use this in some way for some thing you might not otherwise do/have? Or tuck it away for a rainy day? I know that money means nothing, but right now it is all I have to give. Please accept it from me; order out dinner more. Hire on some help. Whatever you want. Again, I love you. If you can think of something more I might be able to do could you let me know, could we sit and talk?"
Something along those lines I guess.

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Sendhelp Nov 2020
That note will write itself when you sign the check and put "gift" in the memo.

Try not to make a big deal about it, leave it unsaid. Enclose it in a Christmas card, or in a thank you note.

Just do it, and good on ya!

As for the amount? How about $750/mo.
NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2020
How true! Send.

Actions speak louder than words! I couldn’t agree more with your advice.

Saying thank you is a sweet thing to do. A pretty thank you card with a simple personal note speaks volumes.
NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2020
You’re very generous. All caregivers should have siblings like you!

So many people have siblings that could care less about the caregiver.

You are a blessing! Why don’t you call your sister and ask her if there is something special that she would like, ask what the price is and you can contribute to whatever she desires.

All caregivers need a break. If you could pay for additional help for a limited time that would be very special!

You can start your note with, “Thank you for caring for ‘our’ mom. If I had heard this from my siblings it would have meant the world to me.

I was expected to do everything, never complain, never tire, as if I was a machine instead of a human being.

I wouldn’t say anything like it’s a ‘blessing’ to take care of mom. Honestly, I ended up in a caregiver support group and therapy after caregiving for decades, 15 years in my home. My therapist said to me, “Caregiving becomes a burden to the caregiver when it starts to consume your whole life.” How vert true!

You sound appreciative of your sister’s hard work. Caregiving is one of the toughest jobs ever.

How wonderful that you care about your sister!

97yroldmom Nov 2020
Your question brought tears to my eyes. Start your note from your heart. I so appreciate your generosity to your sister and for acknowledging her sacrifice, contribution and willingness to be there for your mom when you can’t. We all need to be sending checks of money, love, good cheer, encouragement to our loved ones who are serving in our stead. Thank you for this post. I want to do the same.

From your bio I would say send what you can often. The regular appearance of Support would cheer me and let me know you were with me in spirit which would mean more than the money itself.

sjplegacy Nov 2020
You might begin your note with a prayer or poem. For example:

“To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors.” ― Tia Walker

You can find many caregiver quotes, poems and prayers on the internet.

After that express your appreciation, love and thanks for what she's doing. Go from there.

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