Follow
Share

I pretty much keep my politics to my self. I'm not one to want to fight about them. But I'm sick of being told how ashamed my mother is with me for MY choice. I'm in my 40's and I don't think I should have to answer to her about this....she let me have it on Saturday. Our relationship is not great to begin with and this is making it worse.....Can I tell her to back off? Every time I try to speak up for my self she get so mad.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You shouldn't have told her who you voted for but since you did, you definitely have the right to tell her to back TF off.

I really wish people would stop "letting people have it" just because they are on another part of the political spectrum!!! If your political opinion is offensive to someone then you have to decide what is more important to you - your opinion or the other person.

I read an article in Harper's Bazaar back in 2017 called "If You are Married to a Trump Supporter, Divorce Them". When did it become okay to make a politician more important to you than your spouse, sibling, neighbor, friend, etc.?

Let's also remember that politicians are not angels. They are charismatic, ambitious individuals who seek power and influence. You do not know them, they are not coming to your house for dinner, they don't care about you specifically, they want your vote, and they have long-range plans and goals that don't include you! Remember the wise George Carlin: "It's a big club and you ain't in it!"
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
GardenArtist Nov 9, 2020
Excellent insight.   I certainly found out where their goals lie when I was politically active.   I wouldn't have worked for free if I wasn't appreciated, but winning is the overall goal, as well as the opportunity to affect life for the better, on a more general as opposed to personal level.
(3)
Report
See 3 more replies
I am in Canada, we just had a provincial election and other than one person, I have no idea how any of my friends and family voted. It is none of my business. I grew up in a very political family and we do still talk politics, but there is no getting upset if someone votes in a different manner to me.

When I was in university I had fantastic debates with classmates with differing political views. We had friendly debates, each stating our position without slagging the other person's beliefs. I wish more people could do this. Now having said that I will not engage in any way with people who promote racism, sexism and homophobia to name a few.

You have an enshrined right to vote for the candidate you believe will best serve you. If you mother feels some else is the best person for her, she has the right to vote for that person.

But keep in mind, you do not have to stand for her abuse. If she lays into you, walk away, hang up the phone, you do not have to listen to her. Of course you can tell her to back off. If she does not stop, then you leave.

Set some boundaries. Of course she will get mad, but that is her issue not yours. Just as we give a small child having a tantrum a time out, give her a time out. Each time she starts, walk away. But keep standing up for yourself.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report
mathisawesome Nov 9, 2020
There no friendly debate with her. She says we can’t talk about religion or politics, it’s actually we can’t agree. Which is fine with me...not so much her. I would love to be able to have a regular conversation with her
(2)
Report
See 2 more replies
This made me laugh. I was raised by TWO midwestern STAUNCH Republicans. My Dad had been a Democrat in young years, but marriage to my Mom changed all that. I however, was a Liberal from birth, I do believe, albeit a middle type, not on the wings of anything. So you can imagine the discussions in the household (even IF civil, as they always were). My bro was a Liberal also. My Mom was quite adamant in her belief and to her there was no such thing as a "good Democrat".
Until, in her late 70s. Then she became a Dem for some reason or other, and could think of no good Republican, bless her heart.
What I would do with your Mom is kind of turn it on her in a good way. Tell her "Mom, you raised me right. You raised me strong, and you raised me independent and able to think for myself. I can't thank you enough ever for all you did for me. But now I am thinking for myself. You know, our country is about evenly divided here, Mom. And what is wonderful is that we ALL CAME OUT and voted this time".
The other way, just say "You know, Mom, next time I am gonna think harder before I vote."
Or you know, nothing. Just say nothing. You aren't responsible for defending the party. You did your vote.
You know, I have a grandson who is much more conservative than I am. We can argue it, but always with love and affection. And I intend to untie him in the basement soon as I am certain the election is all over.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
mathisawesome Nov 9, 2020
thank you
(1)
Report
See 5 more replies
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had the best advice that can be used in all types of situations beside marriage:

" it helps to be a little deaf"
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
igloo572 Nov 11, 2020
ff, you’ll appreciate this.... low key wearing of lace - like collars or lace chokers, vests - on voters where I am. Even guys. Awesome!
(3)
Report
See 2 more replies
I had to block my DD permanently on social media, and I didn't even post anything political. She just loves to be 'morally superior' and ridiculing. She sent me a text after I blocked her and asked if I blocked her phone number too. I said no, just social media since you feel compelled to ridicule and lecture me. Love you, give the puppy a kiss.

DH was livid. He sent out a mass text this morning to all of our Morally Superior children and said THERE WILL BE NO POLITICS DISCUSSED IN THIS FAMILY. AND THERE WILL BE NO RESONSE TO THIS TEXT.

My mother, who lives to push my buttons, knows nothing at all about politics, just that she hates who she hates, based on nothing. She was positively giddy about the MSM's announcement the other day and told me "You have no other choice but to accept it" and then started laughing. I told her, mom, I have told you over and over and OVER AGAIN that I AM NOT going to discuss politics with you, and now I am hanging up the phone.

My son called and thought it would be a wise idea to tell me why the virus is still around, and why people are choosing to travel this holiday season. I told him, I WILL NOT DISCUSS POLITICS WITH YOU and he just went on, like I had said nothing. Which is when I ended the phone conversation with him.

Morally superior people feel like They Are Right and Everyone Else Is Wrong. There is no room for negotiation, no gray area, no nothing. And therefore, there is no talking to them.

So I'm fine with not speaking to any of these family members for a while. If they choose to respect me as a mother, daughter and human being in general, regardless of my political choices, then fine. Otherwise, they can kiss my arse.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
cherokeegrrl54 Nov 11, 2020
I totally agree with you!!
(1)
Report
I voted.
It was not easy.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

If you can just say "I am not going to discuss this with anyone" and walk away.
Leave the house if you can, if you have to.
Anytime anyone brings up a topic that is a "Hot Button" issue stop it right away and do not partake in the "conversation"
And yes you can tell her to back off.
This is true for ANY issue that might be one of conflicting views IF the the other person is not going to be civil about the conversation.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
mathisawesome Nov 9, 2020
I’ve done this many times and she keeps going...
(1)
Report
My brother gets into heated arguments if we do not agree with him. He will debate and debate until he made his point but I speak my mind and refuse to argue. I told him over and over tell him to have a nice visit and forget about politics for awhile. People have a right to their choice.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I have tried the "lets not talk about certain things" with my mom,, Covid and politics on the top of the list. I live Covid at work,, and our house is politically divided but we get along. But she can't leave it be!.. So when I go to her area to spend time, if she is all into her news channel I just ,,, ignore it and read or leave the room when it gets too much. I was horrified that after the decision was announced,, she stood in the rec room and danced around like a 3 YO saying "my man won"!! My hubs would never have done something like this to her. And in reality most of my/her family was for the one who lost, as are most of our friends. Luckily they all know she is 90 and not quite always appropriate. It didn;t matter to me but I hate that her manners have gone downhill. at least now I only have to avoid the COVID news.. she refuses to believe the numbers coming out of my hospital
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

My landlord canceled Thanksgiving because she got into a fight with her son over the election . lol
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Nov 11, 2020
Very sad, but kind of funny too! Please, politics is not worth fighting with family over.
(3)
Report
See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter