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AngieH63 Asked August 2020

I called 911 on my husband on July 1. He's been in the hospital ever since. Any advice?

Now, they are talking about transferring him to another short-term acute psychiatric hospital in Tennessee, 158 miles away. I don't see any reason for this, other than they don't know what else to do with him. I think the local NH's have refused to take him.
I feel so guilty. Wish I never called 911.

haileybug Oct 2020
Bless your heart. I am so sorry.

JoAnn29 Oct 2020
So sorry for your loss. Thanks for the update we do worry about our posters.

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AngieH63 Oct 2020
I thought I had updated on these comments. My husband passed away on September 30.
pamzimmrrt Oct 2020
I am so sorry, I hope you are doing well.
JoAnn29 Oct 2020
She has a post from Sept 7 saying the facility wants her to get POA. She told them she can't because of he has Dementia. She can't afford guardianship

AlvaDeer Oct 2020
This post is from early August. I don't think OP has been back to update us. I hope she's doing well.

Isthisrealyreal Oct 2020
Because of his aggressive behavior you are going to have to decide if you want him home or in a facility that can actually take care of him, even if it is 270 miles away.

They are doing the best they can for him, please help them help him.

Houseplant102 Oct 2020
If they insist on sending to a place you think is inappropriate, don't sign off, especially if he is Medicaid funded in GA. Remind them of your safety as well as his safety. They have to acknowledge any comments about your safety too.

My spouse had lots of physical health issues and not mental health requiring special treatment. I was very upfront in the beginning and told them I would never sign off for a treatment, admission, or transfer that I did not personally approve of. I followed that up with my statement that I would not contest any legally required change, but just never sign off for something I didn't approve of.

In other words I put the ball in their court when they tried to pressure us into something we did not want and I studied enough to determine it was likely not required. You must advocate on your own behalf throughout this scary journey.

There are several homes in Columbus GA. There are also a couple acute-care hospitals that work closely with Medicaid and nursing homes in this community.
There are many rural communities in GA with next to no medical or nursing care. Atlanta and Columbus are the primary places if a family member needs care.

Sometimes a facility transfers with the intent of returning the elder to that facility once the mental health is stable. There is a short term/mental placement at some Columbus snfs, but don't know how providers/Medicaid handled those type cases. I know they were isolated from the general residence populations.

Your safety is so important, so do not consent to allowing him to come home with you. Calling 911 was the right thing to do. Everyone you contact - 911, a doctor or hospital or a social service agency has to also document all safety concerns - for each of you. This protects all of you - both spouses and the care providers. Take advantage of this fact. Don't withhold anything that matters for your safety or his.

AnnReid Sep 2020
Who is protecting and advocating for YOU? You are entitled to a safe environment, just as he is, but HE seems to have been deemed incapable of controlling himself.

Is that so?

You were in a situation that had NO PERFECT SOLUTION when you called 911. You made a choice that you hoped would be safety for him, and for you. THAT WAS THE BEST CHOICE OF ANY CHOICES AVAILABLE TO YOU.

With that in mind, and remembering that “guilt” is worthless as a source of motivation,

You deserve the peace of a period of respite during which you can consider alternatives (if any). Use the time he is placed, wherever it is, to consider the questions you need answered before moving forward in planning his care.

Safety and peace. FOR BOTH OF YOU. NO GUILT.

AngieH63 Aug 2020
Now, they are talking about moving him even further away to a psychiatric hospital in Columbus, Georgia where there is even more Covid than Alabama. It's over 270+ miles. They said if they can't find somewhere to put him, he will have to come back home. I told them it's not safe and they said there is no other choice. I didn't think they could do that.
AlvaDeer Aug 2020
Tell them that would be an "unsafe discharge" (use those words exactly) and that you "will not accept him into your home" (exact words) because he is a "danger to your life". Tell them that if they attempt to transport him to your home that you will call the police at once. AND DO SO. You should allow them to put him wherever there is room for them to safely taken him. They clearly are not releasing him on his own. They would only be able to discharge him to someone accepting him unless they lie and say he is safe for discharge (which they may do) and put him out on to the street. At this point you must protect yourself from him, whatever that takes. Do know that if somehow NO ONE protects you from this man you may need to be ready to leave. Who is there for you? A child? A Friend? A woman's shelter? NOW is the time to act to protect yourself. Move clothes somewhere you can retrieve them (even a neighbor who will agree to store a suitcase and deliver to you at a mutual safe place. I am so sorry you are going through this. Speak to a women's shelter near you now if there is one. For them to have kept him this long, moving him here and there, shows you how unsafe he currently is. His records will show that. They had better NOT discharge him unsafely.
AlvaDeer Aug 2020
Do you really wish you hadn't? Do you mean to say you did not have good reason to do so? You do not tell us what your husband's mental illness is; but apparently it is severe, and he isn't deemed to be able to be released without being a danger to self and others. I would take their word for it, as they are experts, and usually, if the question is even iffy, they are more than willing to toss patients back on their families.
Is this the first time you had to 5150 your husband? Again, what is his illness and what reason did you call 911.
As to where they will find room for him, these are desperate times. No NH will endanger selves or patients by taking an unstable patient in. These are also Covid-19 days, and they will do what they have to do.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
You are not a felon or an evil doer. You are a desperate wife doing the best you can. Felons should feel guilty. For the rest of us it is human limitations and doing the best we can with what we have to work for. Sadness and grief are fine. Guilt doesn't/shouldn't figure in this.
JoAnn29 Aug 2020
Her husband has ALZ/Dementia
JoAnn29 Aug 2020
I read your previous post. You did the right thing. You were afraid for your life. Yes, NHs will not take aggressive residents. They have to think about their staff and other residents.

Yes, it is kind of far but he is where he needs to be. Maybe this facility will find the right combination of meds and he will be able to be closer. I think u realize that you can't handle him. No one could or should when a person suffering from a Dementia has violent tendencies. Please, don't feel guilty. This is not something you or your husband could/can control.

So sorry you are dealing with this.

jkm999 Aug 2020
Don't feel guilty. If you called 911 you thought it was necessary for your safety or your husbands safety. Usually local hospitals can only keep someone for a limited time until they assess whether or not they need a different level of care. You did your very best for your husband and the hospital is doing their very best for you. I know the distance seems insurmountable but if you hadn't called 911 the outcome could have been tragic. Forgive yourself.

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