One day at a time is all we ever have, so what ever mood she is in do or say something nice if that doesn’t help remember to always have another nice word or surprise up your sleve for the two of you.
All. The. Time. I am always in the doghouse. My mother is turning 96 next month and still has her mind cognitively. I just don’t go to visit as much. Usually once a week. Although, I did go to see her last Friday and all went well and I am going over tonight. Well see what happens. It is what it is.
Has your mom ever been diagnosed with dementia or cognitive decline by a physician? My MIL has pretty bad short-term memory loss and sometimes imagined an offense that never occurred, then didn't remember when we told her it wasn't something that had happened. I can't speak to the narcissism thing A cognitive test is an objective, scientific assessment that may help bring understanding and a direction for her future care. And depending on what the outcome of such an exam, learning what her actual capabilities are, may help you navigate your relationship in a safer, healthier way. If she has decline, she is not so much in control of her behaviors with each passing year, month, day. I wish you success in avoiding the "dog house"!
She is physically healthy. She’s a widow (4 yrs now) /looks to me to fill her up (never looks to my brother - he is a man/so-free pass). She is extremely talented with manipulation “oh you just wait until you are old and alone and your daughter abandons you” etc etc
I think Midkid58 has an excellent and healthy attitude to this! I too am frequently in the dog house - sometimes there’s an obvious reason, like I’ve been out somewhere (not that that’s very often) and my mother feels left out, or it could be an imagined situation where she feels she has been disrespected by someone (which would also be my fault ). I’ve learned to just accept it rather than challenge it - and from now on when this happens I will be visualising Midkid in her palatial, comfortable doghouse and will try and make my own kennel as luxurious! Stay sane everyone!
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What are your mom's health issues? Mine has simple age related decline and a bit of Narcissism tossed in for good measure.
I am only as good as my last 'at bat'---sound familiar?
I just made my doghouse as comfy as I can and don't attempt to push any kind of relationship at all when I'm in trouble.
Maybe come back with a more detailed description. You'll get a lot of sympathy and support.
I can afford to take looooong vacations from seeing mother, that may not be an option for you.
Good Luck!