My mom has dementia. Her son just died. Should I tell her?

I just saw a similar situation play out. Some felt person with dementia should not be told about a recent death and others felt she should be told. Someone decided on their own to go ahead and deliver the news and was then surprised when the reaction they got was not as expected (i.e. dementia patient did not respond in the same manner as someone without dementia would be likely to respond). I don't know if the person in my scenario even has capacity to truly understand or remember that she was informed of this death. She would be very unlikely to be able to attend a funeral (if there is one). Those who did not want her told didn't see a clear reason to tell her as no action could really be taken by her and there was potential to upset her greatly (even if she did not remember later on). Those who wanted her told I think felt she had a "right" to know regardless of her current mental circumstances. It's hard to give you one answer that fits everyone, but my personal opinion is not to tell her. Maybe her doctor has an opinion on this subject?

Will mom be able to remember even for a few hours? It depends. There will come a time when mom will ask for him often. She will not remember ever being told and if reminded, the grief will begin all over again. My mom would ask about her folks often. I made the mistake of reminding her they had passed a couple times. After the upset and anger, because she thought nobody had ever told her, the therapeutic white lies worked better. Things like it is too late they are sleeping, on vacation, they are coming to visit, etc...

Reminding each time is cruel and not necessary. But once maybe. Or maybe not depending on mom and how you think she will react and how far along her dementia is. At 83, my mom would have been told, she was quite early in her dementia, a year later, no.