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Eisele Asked January 2020

My dad has early dementia & needs AL. He needs to sell the house to pay for it. He doesn’t feel he needs help so won’t sell. What do I do?

My dad is getting very forgetful. He needs to be in assisted living and the only money he would have available would be by selling his home. He does not want to do this because he wants to leave it to the kids. We told him we don’t need the money we want him to take care of himself. Can’t seem to reason with him. He cannot move until the house sells so he can afford assisted-living. As time goes on it will only get worse. How do we convince him to sell when he doesn’t think he needs it?

Eisele Jan 2020
I agree we will have to wait

mollymoose Jan 2020
We had the same type problem with my mom. We had to wait for a major disaster to happen.

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ML4444 Jan 2020
Unfortunately, as others have said, you may have to wait for an emergency where he has no choice. My mother is the same..I have to wait for something bad to happen, then she will have no choice. It is so difficult to deal with someone who has dementia... best wishes..

Beatty Jan 2020
I imagine the complex business of selling a house & completing the paperwork to move to AL is a challenge - for anyone - before you add early dementia. I suspect he will need substantial support to get this done. So legal stuff needs to be in place as you may need to take this over.

It's easy to say no to the unknown, especially when familiar routines & places help ground people. I wonder if Dad had a few positive visits to the chosen AL, a few lunches, meets a few people, hopefully he could begin to feel some familiarity there?

Then he may be willing to sign some documents to make it all happen.

anonymous912123 Jan 2020
I had to wait until my mother had a slight stroke, then my brother & I sprung into action. We moved her to Fl and she is now in AL.

The irony is...she loves it. We will now sell her house as she needs those funds to pay for AL.

freqflyer Jan 2020
Eisle, you may have to do like some of us here and wait for a medical emergency.... then your Dad goes from home to the hospital to Rehab to Assisted Living/Memory Care.

That was the only way I could get my Mom into a place as she needed a village to help her.... and she had to take whatever bed was available. No choices.
Beatty Jan 2020
I am there. No plans so that IS the plan.
BarbBrooklyn Jan 2020
Reasoning with someone with dementia, even early dementia, is pretty futile. This is going to need to be dad's idea, not yours.

In consultation with an eldercare attorney, dad might consider a reverse mortgage or a home equity loan to bridge him into care, if he agrees to go. Consider, however, the upfront costs of these financial transactions and only proceed with competent eldercare advisement.

Dad has NO other funds? No savings or retirement accounts?

Geaton777 Jan 2020
Is your dad still driving? How old is he?

BarbBrooklyn Jan 2020
Do any of you children have Power of Attorney for dad? Has he been diagnosed with dementia?

Have you obtained a "needs assessment" from his doctor or the local Area Agency on Aging?

YOU guys telling dad he needs to be in AL probably won't work. Having his doctor or another professional do so might do the trick.

When my mom was beginning to need care, I started a stealth campaign to point out the inadequacies of her living situation. No sidewalks, no one home in the neighborhood during the day. No public transportation. Difficult access during snow and ice. Prone to flooding. Isolated.

You may need to wait for a hospitalization. Get him into rehab at a nice place that also has an AL attached.

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