How to get a resistant parent with worsening dementia to move to assisted living?

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It's hard to do. Many elders are thrilled to be among peers, once they make the move and have an adjustment period. But most are reluctant to take on change. The two articles below may be of some help. Good luck,
We had a psychologist and a physician helping us and it was still a torturous process. My mother-in-law was really angry, calling us up in the middle of the night and literally screaming at us. While you can get outside support (it was definitely a lifesaver for us) it won't alleviate the emotional roller-coaster. Things are just starting to subside a year after the move, but there are still days when things are very, very rough. My poor, poor husband takes a good deal of abuse. So be prepared, steel yourself for the worst and remember to not take it personally.
A good transition can also be to look into a small, private, residential home. usually they care for 2-3 residents only and can give individual support for dementia patients. great alternative to a big facility...more like HOME, because it is
Old people DO NOT like change. It took at least 4 or 5 doctors that evaluated my mother-in-law's mental ability while she was in rehab in the nursing home, to finally get her to go into asst living. Still she went kicking and screaming, but it saved the family from having to force her. Let some doctor be the 'bad guy' in telling your loved one it's time to go asst living.
Sorry - didn't realize the original question was so old, since it came up in the top q's today. Rambling on for nothing. Eek.
Ask yourself this question. Is your temperament of a nature that you can devote yourself the majority of each day and night to someone as a caretaker. Can you handle the dementia, the repeated questions, the lack of memory, possible abuse and difficult personality traits? Do you want to? Or do you want to live like a normal human being and have a life which you most likely deserve? If you can handle the problems associated with being a caretaker, fine. But if you can't or have the slightest doubts, then you must consider assisted living which probably is best for the patient too.
Moved Mom to a small asst living facility. How often to visit her is my question? It seems that when I go daily she thinks I am coming to take her home. I am wondering if the daily visits are not helping her adjust to her new envirorment. What do I do?
There are different opinions on this. Some say the loved one needs at least a few weeks without visits to get settled in and adjusted. I think it depends on the person.

How much does she remember? Does she have dementia? If so, then she may not remember if you are there one day to the next. My cousin, who is in Memory Care assisted living, forgets I visited 5 minutes after I leave. I still call her and visit regularly though. We enjoy the moment and I make sure she's doing okay.

Most of the family members that I know go maybe once per week. Is she getting assistance with her meds, meals, bathing, etc? Is there some reason you feel you must go daily?
Assisted Living may not be enough for her. We set up an AL apartment for my MIL and dropped her off with the explanation that she wanted more supervision, needed group activities, etc. She thought she'd like it, but said NO WAY as soon as she got there.

And her state of dementia didn't leave room for such change. After 6 days in AL, she had forgotten how to dress herself, how to walk normal distances, how to take care of her teeth. The staff at the AL didn't even try to make her welcome or assist in any way, in spite of assurances that they "knew how to deal with this sort of thing." Now she's home again.

Many ALs are really just country club apartments, with no real intention of "care" -- the advantages good for those with physical needs, but not mental ones. We looked into memory care at 80,000 a year, but we found we do as good a job as they can. The downside is, no relief for us, increasing depression for me, and no hope of a happy life for a long time. We'll just have to stick with at-home care until the resistance is no longer an issue, or hospitalization provides an out, sometime in the distant future.

Can you find someone to help with in-home care, or set up a room/apartment to distance yourself a little? We couldn't, but I think that would help.
Good luck.

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