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Khowell27 Asked October 2019

Feeling burnt out as a caregiver what should I do?

I have been caring for my mom who is wheelchair bound since I was six years old. I am now 27. I have put my life and career on hold I have little to no help from family. Any ideas on a way to de-stress for a couple of hours? Thanks in advance.

TNtechie Oct 2019
Khowell27, you need a plan to let someone else become the primary direct care giver and allow you to discover and live your own life. While keeping an eye on Mom and making sure she gets the care she needs will probably be a part of your life, it needs to step back to being a part and not your whole life.

Your mother is 66 so your first step should probably be contacting the Area Agency on Aging (AAA) and get a needs assessment. With your mother's needs defined, AAA social workers can qualify your mother for the services she needs. She may qualify for community Medicaid to provide in home care hours for bathing and other personal needs, housekeeping, and transportation services. She may qualify for a senior living apartment or an adult day care program. Really encourage adult day care if that's available; the socialization can have a tremendous positive impact on depression and be a contact point into other services too.

You need to help your mother rebuild an independent life so you can have one too.
Khowell27 Oct 2019
Thank you TNtechie for your advice a couple of weeks ago I have begun the steps to get her more help so it's not all just me anymore because the truth is while I do have a part time job and some savings and a couple of friends i really don't have a social life a healthy 27 yr old needs to have and I have also started to have anger and negativity towards the situation and it's not the person I really want to be my mom and I both deserve better again thank you
Ahmijoy Oct 2019
Here on this forum, we talk about people who suffer from “FOG” or fear, obligation and guilt. If you’ve been caring for your mother since you were in kindergarten or first grade, you know no other life, do you? In some way, you do not even exist. Have you ever held a job? Do you have health insurance and a retirement fund? Do you have any social life at all? Friends? A hobby?

“De-stressing for a few hours” will make little or no difference in your life. You need help in the long term. You can contact Adult Protective Services in your county. They will assign you a caseworker. APS does more than investigate claims of abuse and neglect. They will find you help and also help you apply for financial aid to pay for it.

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anonymous912123 Oct 2019
Take her to senior day care, that will give you some relief. Since you do not give us many details, it is difficult to answer your question.

Many people who are wheel chair bound do well by themselves while the person who lives with them works and has their own life.

Countrymouse Oct 2019
After 21 years I don't think a few friendly tips about good ways to relax for a couple of hours is going to make a lot of difference to burnout, really.

But, is this a new development for you, this couple of hours to yourself? Is it progress? Do you have support coming in, or anything like that?

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