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ruthie1460 Asked September 2019

Father planning a European vacation; How far do I let this go?

My 86-year old father is planning to join a tour group taking a vacation to England, Ireland, and Wales which sounds idyllic, right? Unfortunately, the last two trips that he had planned within the U.S. he cancelled because he didn't feel well. He has had two strokes within the last two years which have caused minor left side weakness. He also had a heart attack within the year resulting in two stents. He has already had bypass surgergy and has a pacemaker. Within his lifetime, he has had three strokes and three heart attacks.


I have not said anything to him because thinking about this trip has brought him some pleasure which he desperately needs in his life. However, he has arthritis in his knees and back and moves extremely slowly with a walker. Throughout the week, he usually will sit up for 4-6 hours on Monday then will only get out of bed to come to the table to eat supper. He sometimes gets out of bed for breakfast but usually requests breakfast and lunch be brought to him. We have wrestled with this, but at 86 and given his health problems, we just don't fight that battle about whether getting up and around is better for him or not. I'm just glad he's eating!


He has been setting money aside for this trip. What I am envisioning is his attending this meeting and paying for a trip that I just don't think he is physically capable of doing. He has not said anything about anyone accompanying him, but I think he would almost need to have someone as I think he will need a wheelchair to make it through the airport. And I don't think where his tour will be taking him will be handicap accessible.


Has anyone else experienced this? We have suggested shorter trips and also suggested a cruise might be better. However, he is bound and determined to see the Tower of London and kiss the Blarney Stone. I admire his desire and agree it would be the trip of a lifetime! However, he has not mentioned anyone accompanying him...and quite frankly, no one in our family could accompany him but me. I would do it...but I am almost certain this trip will not be the trip he is dreaming it will be. And I hate that for him! How far do I let this go?

anonymous912123 Sep 2019
Just get cancellation coverage and let the man live. He has had a long life, give him the opportunity to fill his bucket list. The tours all have handicapped consideration. If he needs an aide they are available all over Europe, in fact they do a much better job than we do here in the USA.

vegaslady Sep 2019
I made a trip to Ireland 3 years ago and kissed the Blarney Stone. To get there you climb up a small tight cirular stone stairway in the castle till you make it to the top. There you lay on your back, tilt your head backwards and kiss the stone with the opportunity to.fall down to the earth below. (There are helpers and some type of thing underneath, but you can see the ground below.) I did it but my roommate freaked and couldn't do it. Let him watch some videos. Sign up for the trip but buy the trip cancellation insurance. I'm sure that will come in.handy.

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Tothill Sep 2019
Due to all of your Dad's preexisting conditions, it is unlikely he could get travel cancellation insurance nor travel medical insurance.

Can you accompany him to the presentation?

Do you have an Elder College program in your community? The one here has several armchair travel sessions. It is an inexpensive way to "see" the world.

Our local library has VR headsets. I do not know which programs they have for them, but it maybe another day to 'see' the world.

My Dad is 90 and stopped traveling 5 years ago. Prior to that he snowbirded from Canada to New Zealand each year. Now he can can barely walk 1/4 mile. He knows his days of travel are over.

Mum is 85 and fit as a fiddle. She is planning her next trip. This summer she and her twin went on a 800 mile road trip to visit friends and family. She wants one more trip to Europe and will go once she saves the money.

freqflyer Sep 2019
ruthie1460, check to see if your Dad's health insurance is accepted in foreign countries. Medicare may or may not be accepted. Same with secondary insurance.

I know, no matter what age we are, there is always that far reaching thought about how do I get medical care overseas.

SofiaAmirpoor Sep 2019
It's a scary proposition! Good for him to at least have the desire to get up and go....that's often half the battle! I agree it's probably not safe to go alone. I've often thought that opening a home care agency that specialized in travel would be a great business! Maybe you could find someone on your own to go with him???

Have you spoke to him about his health risk while traveling? Maybe he would be just fine if he passed away while trying to check off an item on his bucket list. You could also discuss other items on his bucket list that were more "do-able", and trade him 3 of those for one overseas trip!

pamzimmrrt Sep 2019
Ruthie, is this by chance a CIE tour? They are wonderful and I have been on several, but my Mom and Aunt were the oldest on any of them, and they were 85 and 83 at the time, Mom was still walking mostly OK, but she was a "hanger on of my arm" and it wore me out! The airports were busy, lines for customs coming home were awful, and the flight was LONG. And he needs to know that to kiss the Blarney stone, you have to climb hewn rock stairs in a narrow tower with no handrails. If you can go, and he insists, be ready to be worn out.

JoAnn29 Sep 2019
We have had a lot of "should my parent travel?" And in this instance I would say no. Tours are grueling. Your on their schedule. I doubt if anyone on the tour wants to care for an 86 yr old. There are probably restrictions. Flying is at least 8 hrs. Sitting for that length of time will be hard on him. Then its bathroom visits. Is he good about his own meds.

I would find out who is in charge of this meeting. Make them aware of Dad. Ask if they can mention that they can't accommodate anyone who has health problems. Maybe, the can speak with Dad privately to explain this trip is not for him. Not sure if the pacemaker would be a problem.

I would check with his heart doctor.

GardenArtist Sep 2019
I'm wondering if there are any health requirements established by the tour company?   I would think that would be a concern.   

You might raise with the tour company the issue of assistance in walking, etc. w/o sharing your concerns.  It might provoke them to address the issue of whether he'll need a companion, which I'm assuming they wouldn't provide.   Would he have the funds to take you, or someone else, to accompany him?

There might also be insurance requirements, in the event of illness or accident on the tour.  

And if travel insurance were required, would he be able to meet the standards?   Tactfully moving this issue to the tour company's responsibility (decision wise)  might be a solution, but I'd be prepared (like Indiana Jones) to immediately offer something in its place.

In my area, some of the more well funded libraries have tour programs, with reps from that country, and slides/movies of various places.    Refreshments are sometimes served.   It's kind of traveling, w/o leaving the country, and w/o the big $$$ required.    You might check various libraries (or even Senior Centers) in your area to see if these kinds of programs are offered.   

I do understand that he would want to see some of the places in which he's interested, as he's aging. It might be kind of a last wish as he ages, or as some call it, one of his "bucket list" items.   I would try to focus on how you can address that while just staying right here. 

Good luck.

lealonnie1 Sep 2019
While I don't have firsthand experience with a loved one wanting to take a European tour, I DO have lots of experience taking tours myself......lol. So, first off, a tour company will normally not allow him to join them if he is using a walker. The rules normally state that a person must be ambulatory and able to walk unassisted, so you may want to check with the tour company yourself to be sure of the rules. I went to Croatia in 2016 using a cane due to a bad hip, and that was okay, but even then it was difficult walking on rough terrain. The tours are generally rated by difficulty (easy, moderate, difficult) and will include information on how many hours the traveler can expect to walk each day. So again, not something your dad would be up for, it sounds like.

He can also purchase trip insurance which entitles him to cancel for any reason, right up to the last day of the trip (if they DO allow him to be part of their tour group, which I really doubt). Trip insurance generally costs approximately an additional 10% of the total trip price.

Best of luck!

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