The saga continues here for me trying to get mom out of any chair, off toilet, or off commode. My husband, daughter, and I visited yesterday to help do a few chores and eat with mom and sister. Overall it was good time. But even with my husband, mom insists upon being lifted up and is not helping. She told us she was not going to go to the edge of her chair even when I offered to slide her there like I have before. She only wants to be lifted up by my sister. My sister will be at her out patient surgery this Wednesday evening and husband and I will be with mom.
To start the problem up with me when we arrived yesterday, mom wanted to use her real toilet in the back of her house. (Her house has two bathrooms but both are in the back of the house so not convenient.) She was already up and using her walker and about half way to where bathroom is when we got there. So I helped her get to the back of her house where the closest real toilet is. She didn't want to take her walker in the small bathroom but I told her she needed to walk there with it and then I could help her back up to the toilet to grab the toilet rails like we had done many times before. She reluctantly did that and used the toilet. However, getting off became the BIG ISSUE again. She told me she couldn't get off it and fussed a while. Reluctantly I finally had to go get my sister. Sister then came and asked mom why she was even on her real toilet as my sister hasn't been letting her use that lately she said. However, my sister had not communicated that to me prior to right then! My sister reminded mom how she herself is too large to get in that bathroom to lift mom off it so up until recently mom has been getting off her own toilet in there by herself. Sister didn't have a solution so I suggested we each take an arm under our should and under mom's shoulder with to help her stand up. (I was trying what some nice person on this forum suggested with a video link about a week ago and I thank them). But it took two of us doing it to work and we got mom off and out of there. The video showed it being done with one person.
I will make sure mom is taken care off well the evening of my sister's out patient surgery. I will have my husband there. But my sister needs to really know and understand that if my mom chooses not to allow anyone but herself to get her up from seated position, it will probably not improve my sister's health.
How do I get mom to understand and even my sister that there are ways to lift mom or be taught how to have mom help us help her to stand up and we really need to learn this now? Mom expects to be taken to commode, bed, her favorite chairs, into car sometimes but not often, wears Poise pads, and doesn't have accidents. She has always had controlling personality so much of what she is doing is not new. She is just doing it on something I cannot help her with alone. But I do love my mom and really do want to help her and my sister. I am just at a loss on how to do that. At this point, alone, I cannot get my mom from a sitting position to standing and it is causing me a lot of stress honestly since mom and sister have the expectation that I should be able to do this I feel.
I keep a positive attitude and reminded mom my sister has surgery in two days and that I need to help her up. Mom has a PT visit today. She didn't want it and has often had my sister who lives with her 24/7 cancel appointments for her. I hope that doesn't happen today.
Thanks for listening to me vent on this again!
Peaceful thoughts to all.